Friday, October 30, 2009

It Was Not a Waste of a Good Cupcake

I did something that I have never done before.

I threw a cupcake at someone. More specifically, I threw a cupcake at The Husband.
To be even more specific, I threw a cupcake with bright green icing at him.

And, I hit him. In the back of the head. I would even go so far as to say I nailed him.

Even though I threw food, and did it in front of my girls, I have to say I am proud of myself. The pride comes in the fact that I actually hit him.

Now, in my defense for the bad part of my action, let me tell you that first and most importantly, I did not waste a good cupcake. I had already accidentally dropped the cupcake on the road and lost most of the icing in a big plop right in front of The Big One's school. So, I was only bringing the cupcake in to throw it away.
I walk in, carrying the rest of her loot from the class Halloween party, and the cauldron that I took bags of popcorn in.

I had no idea that I was a sitting duck. Or a walking duck.

Almost immediately after my back is to the closed door, he pops out and starts shooting me with a Nerf dart gun. This one happens to his Tommy Gun style, semi automatic Nerf gun. Not that which gun it was matters, other than to tell you he is serious about this stuff. Anyway, by the time I had gotten about 4 steps toward the kitchen, I had been hit at least a good 5 times. There was nothing I could do.

I rounded the corner and got behind the counters in hopes of waiting him out, but ever time I peeked around the corner, I got shot again.

So, there I was, trapped. I looked around me, and I saw only one option. The cupcake. Normally, I wouldn't throw food. Actually, I never throw food, and especially not good food like cupcakes. However, since this one was already inedible, it didn't count as good food anymore. I quickly considered the ramifications of my actions, including the fact that my kids were going to watch me throw food. I realized that it might not be a good idea. However, in the long run, self preservation won out.

I grabbed the cupcake and peeked around the corner. The Husband saw me. He looked at me for just a moment with total satisfaction in that he was about to shoot me again, and total disregard for the cupcake. After all, he didn't think I would do anything with it, even if I did threaten him with.

I did threaten him with it. It seemed the cupcake just wasn't a good enough threat.

He took aim.

I threw.

He looked incredulous for just a second, before turning and trying to duck. That second of disbelief took long enough to keep him from being able to get out of the way.

I nailed him, right in the back of the head. Not only did I nail him, though, but then the cupcake rolled down his head, hit his shoulder, and bounced onto his foot. I couldn't have willed it to do any better had I tried.

It was fantastic. I worried that he might be mad, but he was just shocked. I think more shocked that I hit than even the fact that I threw it, but shocked all the same.

Finally, after getting the camera, taking a great shot for proof, and calming my laughter enough to be able to control my body again, I made sure the girls saw me clean up my mess. They needed to at least see that if you make a mess like this, you have to be responsible and clean it up.

He took a shower, and we went on with our day from there with no more shooting. I think he might have been worried about the big stack of cupcakes in the fridge.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Losing Your Omniscience

As a parent, when your child comes into this world, most of the time, there is a perceived Omniscience. Your kids think you know everything. Personally, I use this to my advantage as often as I can. You can gt kids to confess to just about anything, if they think you already know.

It seems, though, that the veil is lifting, and The Big One is beginning to realize that I don't know everything.

The other day, we were sitting in the family room, going over spelling words, and I realized that there were a ton of planes going over head. We live by an airport, in a military town, and my husband flies in helicopters. I tend to not even notice air noise anymore. However, this was noise from jets, flying low and hard. They just kept passing over and over.

So, I look at The Big One and exasperated, I ask "What is up with these planes today?"

She stopped, looked at me like I must not be firing on a cylinders, and said "Its the Blue Angels, mom. Remember? The Air show." And she said it all in this I think I'm really 16 year old tone, with eye rolls inserted in several places for good measure.

Right then, I knew. She knew that I didn't know everything. She realized that she had caught a blond moment of mine, and that I have those moments. I knew I was busted. We both started busting up laughing. I mean, what else can you do when your 6 year old manages to catch you like that.

I have to change my line now, from "...because moms know everything" to "..because moms find everything out". I'm hoping that slight variation will buy me at least another year of confessions. I need that year to come up with a new game plan.