The End Of The World

So, I posted a while back about it being the end of the world, as I know it.
I know that seems like a dramatic statement to make, but the truth is that our world is about to change dramatically.

Next year, My Husband will be retiring from the military.  And our world will never be the same.
I'm sad for him in some ways.  I know he wanted to stay in.  I know there are still things he would like to do, and he loves his job.  You can't ask for more than that with any career.
However, as much as I am sad for him, in some ways, I am very, very happy.

The last eleven plus years of my life have revolved around his career.  Every decision made has been affected by what he does.  Even my wedding date was changed, and our honeymoon scrapped when a catastrophe struck, and his school schedule suddenly changed.  He left me 3 months pregnant with The Big One to deploy to the middle east in support of the operation in Iraq.  He came home just before she was born, but we didn't get to live together again because of schools and things until she was 15 months old.
We have moved more times than I have fingers to count on.
My body has been corrupted by the military medical system, and I will live with that for the rest of my life.
I could go on, but suffice to say, everything in our lives has been controlled in one way or another by his occupation.
No more.
There will be no more deployments after this one.  I thank God for that.  I don't know if I could do this again.
I'm not just glad to be done with all that for me.  I'm very thankful that my children will have their father back.  No words can express how happy I am about that.
They have missed him.   We have missed him.
I don't know what he will be doing yet, or where we will be going.
Our future, for the first time, is wide open.
He can choose a new career that he hopefully will love as well.
We can live anywhere we want.
Most importantly, we can be together.
I know the next year or so will be tumultuous.  I know it will be scary and exciting.  I know it will also go by  very fast, but I look forward to it, and all the changes it will bring for us.
Wish us luck in our new lives, trying to learn to be a civilian family like the rest of the world finally.

Know Peace No More

I'm sitting at the computer, in relative peace at the moment. I realize that just typing that will certainly cause a fight to break out momentarily, but until it does, I'm going to sit here, type, think, and sip my sweet tea. It all sounds so good, right, uninterrupted time on the computer and all that.
It isn't exactly quiet, The Girls are in eye shot watching TV and coloring together. So, it is loud, but calm, which is the best I can ask for anymore.

About the same time I realized that we had momentary calm, I simultaneously realized how fleeting it is. The Little One is three and a half now. She can do a lot on her own. She gets to go to the playroom and chill, leaving me to do laundry in my bedroom, or whatever I need to. She can get a drink from the fridge if I let her have a box juice or milk. She can also get her own snack, like a cheese stick, from the fridge. So, I don't have to drop everything for her. I don't have to have my eyes on her constantly, anymore. The Big One is seven, and though she would prefer I still follow her around and wipe her rear, she really is pretty much independent within our home, as much as a seven year old could and should be.
Next year, it will all be gone. While the two I have will only continue to grow up and be more independent, we are going to have a brand new little tiny babe, who can't do anything. I will be back to picking them up, holding them, doing everything, even being their food source, which certainly leaves me chained to the new child. I actually happen to love the baby stage, but I realized today that it is going to be a total shock to my system at this point. Starting all over now will be...weird. I know how it will go, and what to do, but really, its the idea of starting all over again that is startling.

 I'm sure it will all be fine, and I will definitely enjoy the special time together with the new little one, knowing for sure that this will be our last. It will certainly be a major adjustment for everyone.  I think there will be some jealousy, especially from The Little One, who won't be the littlest one anymore, and who is used to having my lap or hand when ever she wants.  She will miss having my total attention during the day, when her sister is at school.  The Big One already knows what it is like to start sharing.  I actually think she will start to flourish, under the even bigger sister role she will get to take on.

Yes, there will be a lot of changes for us. The quiet times will be different, or gone.  The independence gone, but there will be even more love.  In a few years, it will begin to be quiet again, and I'm sure I will miss their need for me.  So, I will just choose to enjoy the dependence while I can, and cherish it for as long as they need me, even if it means no more quiet time for me for quite a while.

Feeling Free

Between two kids, being a military wife, having multiple volunteer positions, along with a job that I work from home, I rarely feel free anymore.
However, in recent weeks, I have found something that surprises me, by making me feel incredibly free.

Driving.

Remember how free you felt when you got your driver's license? How about when you got your first car, and you knew that you could go anywhere you wanted, any time you wanted.
Do you remember how much you loved to drive when you were young. The power rush as you would speed down the highway or interstate? Well, suddenly, that and more has all come back to me.

Somehow, in the day to day grind, our very large truck has become the family car, and that is what I generally drive. Mu husband has taken over my cute little sporty black car to commute in, because it is much better on gas. While he loves it, it isn't something that I like to drive, at all. It is huge, and definitely not the most maneuverable thing you have ever driven. The car seats stay in it now. So, the black car is for single driving only.

I don't get to go many places with out the kids, but in the last couple of weeks, I have been out without them at least 2 times. Sad, I know, but still, the moment that car merges onto the free way, my heart soars. I feel the power kick in, and the car jumps up to 80 miles an hour. I can slide over into the next lane easily, without fear of massive blind spots like in the big car. If there isn't any room for me to merge, it isn't a problem. The turbo has already kicked in, and that car can just fly up on to make it's own space.

I get to crank my music up. I get to sing along to anything I like. I can even repeat the bad words as loudly as I want, if I so choose. I am in control of it all. I have the power and the freedom to go where I want, and when I want again.

I can really see now, how some people get into racing, and cars in general. While I doubt I will ever be much of an gear head, I think I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the little black sporty cars that can make your spirits soar as high as the tachometer, or even higher.