Somebody Take That Bowling Ball, Please

Right now, I am full term, and were I to go into labor, the baby would be fine.  I, however, wouldn't.  Until my Mom comes in 5 more days, I would have to scramble to find someone to watch The Girls for us.  Since I won't be having a nice, normal vaginal delivery, I'm going to be in the hospital for probably 5 days, and will need My Husband there the entire time.  That means I really, really, need to stay pregnant until she gets here.  That, though, may be difficult.  Right now, I feel like someone shoved a bowling ball up my va-jay-jay, and it is barely hanging in there.  I swear it feels like it could drop out at any moment.  This child is pushing more than I have ever felt before.  Sometimes as I am walking, it feels as though if I were to take one more step, she would break my water and just push on through.
It is pretty crazy to walk around like this and is why I prefer just hanging out on the couch for now.  We don't have much longer, and in a few days, the bowling ball will be gone.  Then, instead of carrying her around down below, I'll be carrying her around in my arms, which I am sure will be much more comfortable.

Crap I Say When I Am Pregnant

Like "Poop" My Dad Says, I think that Crap I Say When I Am Pregnant" could be just as funny.
Or Frightening.

For example, all said today:
"I don't know how I was sweet to her.  I'm not sweet to anyone anymore."

"I'd ask you to rub what hurts, but that would start a very different kind of special time."

and my personal favorite...

"The amount of curse words coming out of my mouth is in direct proportion to the amount of pain in my vagina."

See, while knocked up, the little filter that runs from my brain to my mouth shrinks right along with the brain.  All the blood is going down south, and can't be keeping my filter running at top speed, which I need at all times.

On top of the emotional roller coaster, I bet I make for one fantastic person to live with right now.  Really.  I must.   Interesting at the very least.

If I spout of more gems, I'll be sure to let you know.  I might just start a chain of CISWIAP (Crap I say when I am pregnant) posts.  Look for them.  They will probably be your favorites.

An Apology for My Man

I think I need to just apologize to my husband now, and make it a standing apology until sometime middle of this year.

I have come to the realization that third pregnancies make you bigger faster.  That and the fact that junk food seems to be calling me by name.  It is.  I swear.  As proof I offer you the fact that i actually ate nachos from 7/11 tonight.  So, were growing something big over here, be it me or the baby.

As a direct result, I am now totally in maternity clothes at 5 months, and I have never had to wear them with the girls before.  I can't help it.  I'm shaped all funny.

More importantly than my maternity jeans, though, are what I will be referring to as my maternity underwear.
The cute stuff is long gone, be it bras or panties.

First of all, if you think that starting with big boobs they wouldn't get all that much bigger, you would be wrong.  Very wrong.  Were up at least 2 cup sizes here, if not more.  I know I have gone from an F (yes I meant F) to at least an H again.  Lovely.  They are spilling out all over the place, and I have no choice but to revert to the big old supportive bras I use to wear, just to keep them up.  The cute, lacy things (yes they have cute and lacy in F) will just have to wait until they deflate.

Then, we have the underwear.  No more high cut, this cut, or that cut for me.  I'm rocking the straight up granny panties at this point, and i love them.  Over sized ones too.  Sexy, no, but they sure do feel good under my jeans with the gigantic belly panel.

So, I sincerely apologize to my husband, who is the one who gets to see the glory that is me in my skivvies.  I promise to do a lot better after we heal up from the baby and whatever else comes with it. Until then, just remember all those goodies are still there, tucked away safely, and waiting until i can actually bend over and reach my toes to put them on again.  ; )