Dear Cancer, F*** You. Sincerely, Me (And Everybody else)

I hate cancer.
No.  I F***ING HATE cancer.
Yeah.  That's much more like it.

Why all the ire?
Cancer sucks.  Great big donkey balls.
I have seen too many people I love, and just too many people in general have cancer.
I have an Aunt who just had a total double mastectomy.
My dad had skin cancer.
My grandfather did as well.
My great grandmother died of cancer at the age of 92.  It wasn't her age, but the cancer that finally did her in.
My mom's family is riddled with cancer.
My mom is a breast cancer survivor, as I have written about before.

I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg, too, if I were to really delve into all the people I know that cancer has touched with its long, ugly, gnarly, blackened fingers.
Right now, I have a friend who is about to start chemotherapy for breast cancer.  She is a wonderful person.
She isn't post menopausal.  She isn't even in that age range.   Her body just decided to turn against her.
What are we, as women supposed to do?  I look in the mirror all the time, and note that my chances this becoming my future are very high.  Very.
There really aren't a lot of options if this is likely your future.  You can go the preventative route.
We have another good family friend who did just that.  Her mother, one of my own mother's very best friends in life, had breast cancer.  She passed away at a much younger age than she should have.  So, her daughter decided not to wait for this to be her future.  The Drs suggested a preventative double mastectomy, and she did it.  She wanted to be sure.  Its becoming common to take such steps, too.
I could do genetic testing, find out, and go from there, but the kind of cancer that runs in our family causes more than just breast cancer.  I couldn't lop enough organs off to stop everything that will try to kill me, if I am predisposed.
My friend who just started her fight has two beautiful boys who are close in age to The Big Girls, each one of hers being a year younger than mine.
Now, they have to watch mom go through cancer treatments.
No child should need to watch that.
Moreover, no child should have to go through cancer treatments themselves, but it happens all the time.
Yes, I am filled with anger and questions because of all this.  The big question, though, is what do we do from here? How do we stop this?  So much money is being thrown at a cure, but what about the cause?
Has it always been this bad and we didn't know it, or are we killing ourselves somehow now?
Something needs to be stopped.  Somewhere, we need to recognize what has changed to cause our bodies, our breasts that are meant to sustain life, in to weapons that will take it in an instant.

I'm not sure where the answer to all of this lies, but someone, somewhere, must.  We have to do something.  I love all of the beautiful survivors that I have in my life, but I don't want to add any more people to the list of those touched by cancer.

Baby Excitement!

Right now, I am so excited about a baby, and it isn't mine!
One of my best friends in the whole wide world is having a baby, right now!  I'm thrilled for her and the family!  She and I have gone through a lot together with our last pregnancies.  Neither of us are good at being pregnant.  In fact, I would say we both suck at it.  So, having someone who is just as miserable, and sometimes more, than you are to go through it with you makes all the difference when you aren't a happy pregnant person.
It's kind of weird being this excited about a baby that isn't your own, but I am!!  Honestly, I feel like this baby is family, though, because I feel like this friend is more family than friend. It's like I am getting a brand new niece tonight.
In fact, we are so close, that we have already been teased by friends through the pregnancies, and I want to clear up a couple of little rumors now.
1) We both got pregnant again because we wanted to be pregnant together.   - Not true.  We didn't plan this, because no matter how close you are, calling each other up to plan what nights you would both have sex in order to conceive about that same time, is too creepy, borderline voyeuristic, for me.
2) We chose their names to be all matchy matchy on purpose.  - Not true.  While it is true that our daughters names will rhyme, I can assure you that wasn't on purpose.  She told me her name before we had one picked.  In fact, we didn't even pick a name until about an hour after The Littlest One was born (I'll have to share the name story some time.) and it was a name that my husband really wanted, not one that I pushed for.  He, like any real man, would never do a matchy name thing on purpose.
I do hope, though, that our daughters, who will be exactly two months apart, grow up to be good friends.  We can dress them in cute little coordinating out fits for now.  They can hang out together as they get bigger, and will hopefully be like long friends, just like their moms.

I will be thinking about you in that delivery room, wishing I could be with you.  I hope it goes quickly and smoothly!  I love you, friend, and can't wait to meet the newest little one!!

Month Of Thankfulness - 11/9

Today I am thankful for good friends. I am thankful for all of my friends in general, but I am really thankful for the few fantastic people that I know will be in my life forever, in more than just a facebook way. I love them dearly, and don't know how I would get through life without them.

Leaving Mommy at Home

Tonight was great. I left Mommy at home, and went out just as me; that fun loving, long talking, but not when I'm watching a movie, chick that I used to be a long time ago.

It was really fantastic. We saw a movie, and then actually discussed the movie. I did not buy popcorn in order to appease anyone. In fact, I didn't buy anything but a ticket. I did not have to run to the bathroom during the movie, and miss any part of it.

The best part, though, was standing in the parking lot beside our cars, just chatting. Talking about boys even. Well, men, but its all the same when you feel like you are young and alive again. Also, to be fair, we were talking about men for someone else.

I loved it.

It wasn't a group, just me and a friend. That's all you need, though, to have a little fun sometimes. You just have to get out there, and remember what it was like to have fun a long time ago. You have to

While I can never truly leave all the mom parts at home. I will always have My Girls in mind, and be thinking about how they are, what they are doing, etc.

Still, It was nice to do something again where you feel like one of the girls again, and not just a mom.

What a morning

We met some good friends for breakfast this morning. The spot we went to, my friend has been telling me about for years and years. Really. Multiple years. I have always wanted to go, but just never done it.

The experience started out a little rough. We had to be up a little bit early in order to get there before the line formed, and this place does get a line.
Then, we had to park and walk a ways in a very crowed traffic filled area. We brought along the big one's bike for a walk and ride along the beach afterward. Unfortunately, as previously stated, my oldest lives on a different state of awareness than most. So, after a spill while just pushing her bike, and then running into a parked car with the stroller, I realized that I was going to have to push the stroller and bike down the side walk, if she were to survive.
So, that was hard enough, but then, the big one nearly got hit by a car as we were going through a cross walk. We were already half way though, and she went ahead a few steps. This women comes barreling though, not even looking, and nearly hits her. I almost started crying. It was scary.
So, I made her stay right with me from then on, with one hand on her bike, even though I was pushing it. As we went through the next cross walk, I yelled for her to hold onto me, to make sure she was right beside me. Well, she reaches out and grabs..my back pocket. My jeans were barely on anyway, and so she helped me semi moon most of the area. I couldn't stop to pull them up until we were out of the cross walk, either.

It took a while to find the place, and we were running really late by then.

However, I had text messaged my fantastic friend what I wanted to order, and she got it. By the time we got there, it was at the table. We sat down to some of the cheapest and best food around. It looked great, at least. I didn't eat the good stuff because I am really watching what I eat right now, and opted for something a tiny bit healthier from the menu. However, the girls scarfed down the eggs. The pancakes were great. It all looked fantastic. There was so much food one the one cheap plate, that I split it between the girls. There were even tons of leftovers.



The view that comes with it is unbelievable. This is really one of the best spots in all of San Diego to eat.

After we were all done, we went for a walk or ride along the beach. It was really nice to get the big one back on her bike. She hadn't been in forever. Bike rides are a dad thing, and mom has been negligent in taking up that part of Dad's job. After seeing her ride, we need to change that. She really needs some practice.

The view was gorgeous. The little one got a bit cranky from all the time sitting, and I think we need to opt for a push trike for her before we go again, but she seemed to like it, too.

When we were finally done, we walked through a little farmer's market and got some really, really yummy cherries. Not your typical red cherries, either, but some Rainer cherries that were so big, the big one kept telling me they were little peaches. They were good, for sure.

All in all, I would say this is what a real San Diego weekend morning should be, minus the near miss and stress. Breakfast overlooking the ocean, then a walk on the beach, to finish up at a farmer's market. All with great friends. I don't think it gets much better than this out here.

Very Great Day!

So far, and the day isn't over, today has been the best day I have had in a long time. I have to say, that with a husband deployed, we have good days, but we don't get a whole lot of fantastic, exciting, this is great a day for the blog kind of days. However, today has been all that.

What was so great?

Please, let me tell you all about it.

Have you ever read some one's blog, or been in an online discussion group with someone that you felt was so funny, so charismatic, and just fabulous that you are just dying to meet them each time you chat?

I know, you all think of me instantly, but I'm not fishing for compliments here, honest. I am talking about my friend Tanyetta. She is a great blogger. If you don't believe me, you should read her blog. She is definitely one funny womyn.

Well, today, I actually got to meet her, and another new friend, Eileen! It was super cool. I really felt like I was sitting at the popular table! Yeah!

I have been talking to both these womyn online for a while, and it was just too cool for school to actually be able to hang out.

We all took our kids to Chick-Fil-A, which is another reason my day is so good. I love Chick-Fil-A. I don't even eat meat, and I heart Chick-Fil-A so much it makes people wonder if I am a closet meat eater. Let me tell you that I remember the taste of a chicken sandwich from there very well, and if I ever did eat meat again, that would be the first thing I went for.

Is that too odd?

Anyway, aside from the good chicken that I don't eat, they have great salads. I think of all the fast food places, they have the best salads and dressings. Both the quality and variety are fantastic. The waffle fries are fantastic. I could eat them all day. The service never fails to leave me impressed, especially for a fast food place and let me assure you that today it was top notch. The kicker, though, is that they serve sweet tea. Man, oh man, what I won't do for sweet tea. I love the stuff. It may not be made exactly to my taste preferences, the strong and extra sweet southern variety, but it is still sweet tea. I could go on about why I love them, but let's just leave it at the fact that it is one of my favorite places to eat. Ever.

Now, that already sounds like a great day. Lunch with good friends, old and new, at a favorite eating spot, but it gets better.

One of my really good friends couldn't make it today because she had to work. So, after I picked the big one up from school, we went out to visit her and deliver her Girl Scout cookies. She happens to be pregnant, and has been craving these cookies for a while. So, I got them to her as quickly as I could. Now, not only did I get to make a pregnant womyn happy, but she treated us to supper as well!! It was great! We sat and chatted. She even took my daughter to the bathroom, while I got to sit and eat, twice. Now, if that isn't a friend, I don't know what it. = )

So, to sum it all up, today has been fabulous! I am going to finish the day out by getting off here right now, and watching an episode of Dexter or two so that I can send this DVD back, and get the rest of season one back right away. I will be a fantastic end to a truly fantastic day!!

Losing Friends

Sometimes, I really wish that I could be more like my five year old. She fights with her best friends all the time. They fight over everything. If someone gets left out of a game, because there aren't enough pieces, or one of them says they don't like the sand box anymore, they fight. They tell each other they can't be friends anymore, and one dis invites the other to an upcoming birthday party. Then the other does the same. It is heated and terrible, and hurtful for them. The great thing about being five, though, is that just a few minutes later, or maybe the next morning at most, it is all over and done with. Everyone loves everyone again, and we are all coming to the next birthday party.

I am amazed at how quickly these kids can forgive, and truly let go of the hurt. If we as adults could behave as such, the world would be a different place.

Tonight, I wish I could behave as such. I wish I could have talked to my friend who just called, instead of sitting on the phone, crying silently into a paper towel, because my feelings are hurt so badly by something she did.

I wish I could just forgive and be happy in our friendship, but I can't. I'm just not in that place. I don't know how long it will take me to let go of the hurt, or if I can, but I hope so. I want to be happy with her again. I want to celebrate with her again. I want to see her and be overjoyed for her and her big day tomorrow, but right now, I can't.

Maybe one of these days, instead of becoming more mature about the whole thing, I will act a little more immature, and take cues from my own child. I hope that like Pook does, I will just let go, and tell her that she is my best friend again even if she left me out of her game. I miss my best friend.