You Hateful Bunch of .....UUGGH

(Alternative post title: "Don't ever go to CafeMom for support")

I'm not sure how else to say this, but how dare you?  How dare you be such a judgmental bunch of hateful people?
Of course, I'm not speaking to everyone out there in the whole wide world.  I'm speaking directly to those ass wholes (yes I said it) women out there who insist on tearing each other down for no good reason.
This is what I'm talking about.

Now, let me tell you, we all have tough days.  There are many days where I have cried into my pillow at night.  There are many times that I have hated how hard things are sometimes as a parent, but never would I lash out at someone for feeling like that.

What I would do is give this mom a big hug.  Maybe suggest a mom's group which can make a world of difference in your mindset.  Having other mom's tell you its ok and that we have all been there is something we all need to here from time to time.  I might tell her to go see someone, too.  I mean, parenting is hard, and sometimes we can all use a little help.

However, these bitchy moms think what they need is to tear this mom down.  What they need is a good smack of reality.  Words hurt.  A lot.  When you are reaching out for help, they cut like a knife.

These horrible women have wounded a kindred spirit for no good reason other than spite.
To all of you judgement people like that, I hope you never have a bad day.  I hope you never have a day when you need to complain about how awful moments in parenting can be.  When you do have one, I hope you remember how hurtful you were.  I'm sure you are far too self absorbed to realize any of that, though.  So, even though you have done something terrible, i really hope that when you do have a bad day, because we all do, that someone shows you more kindness and mercy than you showed.  The cycle has to stop.
We teach our kids not to bully, and now it's time that the mommy circle learns the same thing.

We Let It All Fly

I've tried to explain this to people before, but once you become a mom, everything changes.  Your personal habits get put under a microscope, as children watch and retain everything.  You learn very quickly that you model the behaviour you want them to have, because what ever behaviours you have, they will model.  So, when it comes to foul language, you just cut it out, or mostly out if you happen to have some serious road rage.  Regardless, you do your best to only use the kind of language that you would like them to have.  This is why, on any given night, if you were to pop in to a "Moms Night Out" somewhere, you might here the kind of language coming out of the mouths of those mothers that would make a sailor blush.  Well, not really.  As someone married to a sailor, I can say that it wouldn't actually make them blush, but they would be quite proud of you.
The point is that when we get together, sans little ears, we let go just a little.  Sometimes, we let go a lot.  As a mother, you have to repress a lot of urges.  You can't yell "d*mn it" because your child walked in behind you as you were getting their chicken nuggets out of the oven, spooked you so that you jumped, and you burned your hand.  You really can yell "Holy sh*t!" when you find sh*t left all over the bathroom by a toddler who has supposedly learned to wipe themselves when they go number two.  And most importantly, you can not yell "What the f**k?" when you walk into the play room, where your child has been "playing nicely" for the last 30 minutes as you do laundry, only to find massive piles of muddy dirt and sand, carried in one bucket at a time, in the middle of the floor, because Barbie wanted her beach house to really be on the beach.
You can't do any of these, and so many more.
So, when it is our time, we not only get to retell all of these fantastic stories, but you get to tell them in a very colorful, inappropriate language filled way.  In fact, you get to tell a lot of stories about things that you wouldn't normally talk about.  We talk about what our boobs look like, now and before children.  Moms talk about their birth stories, including how their vaginas fared. I mean, really, there is very little that I would say, in the context of being a mother, that is considered off limits.
That means, if you happen to be the college kids in the coffee shop on the same night as the moms meet for a Moms Night Out, you had better hope you brought your head phones for your iPod or laptop, because no matter how many dirty looks you give us, we aren't going to shut up, and no matter how hard you try, you will never get some of those descriptions out of your head.  Give us a break, though, we have had to wait weeks to be able to say all those pent up curse words you hear spewing out, and frankly, if your vagina had gone through what ours may have, you would want to lament about it to someone who can sympathize, too.  After all, miserable vaginas love company.  One of these days, when you are either a mother who needs to get out of the house, or a spouse who needs to get their other half out, you will totally understand, and hope they have a fantastic support group, with home your wife can curse up a storm with, as well.

The Offensive Penis

I'm not totally sure, but I think I offended someone today by saying the word penis.
That's it.  I just said it.  I didn't have a picture of one to wave around, or talk about my personal feeling in relation to a penis.  No.  It was actually quite simple.  I mentioned the picture of Katie Holmes giving Suri a penis gummy.

(image from TMZ)

It didn't seem like a big deal to me, the word penis, not giving your child penis gummy things, which I do kind of find a bit alarming.  

I was at a potluck party today with my moms group.  One of the women mention Suri and Katie.  After she was done, I brought up the photo.  I Actually said the words "gummy penis".  The woman standing beside me left not a minute into the conversation that ensued.  She immediately went to sit by someone else, and it seemed pretty obvious to me.  Every other woman right around me and I were really into the discussion.  We all found it rather dense to do something like that if you don't want the public to see when you know every minute of your life in photographed.  Then again, we all felt it rather dense to give that box to your child to begin with. 

Now, I don't think what she found offensive was that we were being judgemental of a celebrity.  People do that all the time.  That's part of why we love celebrities.  We love having the ability to tear them up, too.  We certainly weren't bagging on the child, just the mom.  

So, it had to be the word penis being thrown around.  It had to make her uncomfortable.  I'm not sure why, but it did.  Perhaps she is just very modest.

The conversation evolved into what we can't do any more, stores we can't visit because our children are with us, and eventually into dealing with little boys and their own penis issues.   To me, this is what a great moms  group is for.  You need to have other adults that you can have adult talk with.  I certainly can't show that photo to my children, and definitely can't discuss why it isn't right with them.  I need other moms who are grown folk, and like to talk about grown folk things.  We all do. 

I have to tell you, I don't think my actions should have been offensive.  I don't feel like they were inappropriate on their face.  There were no children around to repeat what we were saying.  We were discussing a parenting choice.  I really don't think the word penis should be offensive by itself, either.  I mean, we all have kids, and the vast majority of us have gotten pretty up close and personal with one to get them.  So, let's all be grown ups.  If we are talking about anatomy, then you don't get to be upset.  Its just a body part.  Deal with it.  Penis.  Penis. Penis. Penis.  And just to make sure I'm not sexist in my grown up body part talk....vagina.  

Leaving Mommy at Home

Tonight was great. I left Mommy at home, and went out just as me; that fun loving, long talking, but not when I'm watching a movie, chick that I used to be a long time ago.

It was really fantastic. We saw a movie, and then actually discussed the movie. I did not buy popcorn in order to appease anyone. In fact, I didn't buy anything but a ticket. I did not have to run to the bathroom during the movie, and miss any part of it.

The best part, though, was standing in the parking lot beside our cars, just chatting. Talking about boys even. Well, men, but its all the same when you feel like you are young and alive again. Also, to be fair, we were talking about men for someone else.

I loved it.

It wasn't a group, just me and a friend. That's all you need, though, to have a little fun sometimes. You just have to get out there, and remember what it was like to have fun a long time ago. You have to

While I can never truly leave all the mom parts at home. I will always have My Girls in mind, and be thinking about how they are, what they are doing, etc.

Still, It was nice to do something again where you feel like one of the girls again, and not just a mom.