I Need A Better Comeback

I need a comeback.   I'm trying to come up with a good, pithy one.  I need something that succinctly and sharply says that you have ask a question you shouldn't have, and that you need to back off.  You see, it seems that people, meaning the public at large, think they need to question me about my child yet to be born.  They take in the fact that I have two girls with me, and then, always, instead of asking what I am having next, they just ask if the next one is a boy.  Apparently, if you have two girls, the next one MUST be a boy.  My child isn't a boy.  She is a girl, confirmed by ultrasound a couple of weeks ago.  In fact, the tech said if she were a boy, she would be shocked.  That is good enough for me.  We will have three girls.  I'm good with that.  I have come to terms with the fact that we are having all girls, and even relish it a little.  I love having girls.  I may never understand the joy of having a boy, but that's ok now.
So, why people at random seem to think it isn't, and more importantly, why they need to point out all we will be missing, is beyond me.  After I tell people that I am having another girl, they immediately get this look of sort of pity on their faces.  As if they were saying "Aw.  I'm sorry".  Then, the next question is always "did you want a boy".  This is the question that I need the pithy comeback for.  I want to stop them before they get to the followup questions like, "your husband really wanted one, didn't he", because that one pisses me off even more.  Why should my husband be disappointed with a child, no matter the gender?  Are the girls not good enough for him?  In all honesty, I get all sorts of different questions, all aimed at having me tell some random stranger just how sad I am that I didn't get a boy.  Between the facial expressions, and the questions, they make it seem as though there is something a miss with having no male child.  I get it, it would have been nice to have both, but it isn't some random stranger's place to point that out to me.  This was all mother nature, and I have no say so in the process.  So, why would you want to make someone feel bad about what they don't have and can't do anything about?  It's not as if I were to answer that I really wanted a boy, and confess that I was terribly upset about it, that my child's gender would suddenly change, nor would I want her to.  I love my girls.  I love the Littlest One, just as she is, already.
So, today, as I stood in line with The Girls, waiting for their turn in a bounce house, the lady behind me started the questions.  Yes, two girls with one on the way.  She, who had two boys, felt the need to share her pity with me.  After all, I must be pitied and maybe even shamed a little by my inability to provide a male child to my husband.
Let me assure you, neither shame nor pity should fall into the mix here.  Please, keep it to yourself.  I'm not upset.  I'm happy.  This child, whom I thought I could never carry because of all the complications I have is a blessing, just as she is.
This is exactly what I told the womyn with the boys in line behind me as well. That, and my last line to her "besides, girls are easier."  I don't know if I believe that entirely or not, but it was enough in the moment and until I can come up with a better line.

Oh You and Your Part Time Vegetarianism

As I have clearly stated before, I am a vegetarian. If you want me to be specific, I am an ovo-lacto vegetarian, though I really need to cut out the ovo, and maybe the lacto.

Anyway, what that means is that I eat no meat at all, but I do eat eggs and dairy. I am also a very strict ovo-lacto-vegetarian. I check everything I can for any animal product, and forgo anything, much as I may love it, once I find out what it has. This means I can't eat at so many Mexican restaurants because of the lard in their food. This means that I can't have jello shooters anymore (not that I have actually ever had one) because gelatin is made from animal hooves. The gelatin thing also leaves out a lot of desserts, yogurt, and even marsh mellows, but so be it.

I try my best to buy shoes that are all man made, which let me assure you, sucks when it come to finding great footwear.

I do all this, and more, as a choice. This is my lifestyle. This is the way I want to be.

Let me also state that I do not think it is wrong to eat meat, but I think it is wrong for ME to eat meat. I do not expect anyone else to make my choice. If you eat meat, great. If you don't, great, let's exchange some recipes. I really think that whatever you choose to do, be happy with it, and it is all good.

However, there is one thing I don't understand, the idea of part time vegetarianism. This is the big movement now where people only eat meat sometimes. They may do it for different reasons, but not every meal has meat. In the south, we just called that poor. You see, not everyone, even those with farms and animals of their own to butcher, has enough to have meat at every meal. So, the reality is you don't have it. I doubt any of them are calling themselves Part Time Vegetarians (PTVs).

My own father has eaten meals without meat. He may not like it, but that's how it is sometimes. I dare you to call him a part time vegetarian to his face. Double Dog Dare, even.

My own children could be called PTVs, I suppose. The Big One only eats chicken now, and it must not resemble an actual piece of chicken in any way for her to eat it. No. It needs to be ground, breaded, and shaped, preferably like a crown or star, for her to be into it. I by no means consider her a PTV, nor do I care for anyone else to call her that.

She eats meat. She may not eat much of it,but she likes it when she eats it. She doesn't have a guilty conscience if she eats it. I think all of the disqualifies her from being any kind of vegetarian at all.

I read someone liken being a PTV to being a Part Time Christian somewhere, and I nearly wasted perfectly good Coke Zero. The idea of a part time Christian, only when it suits you, is funny. No one would go around and proclaim part time Christianity. To me, both are based on deep personal beliefs. Granted one is a religion, but both of them represent specific ways of life that you choose to live.


So, why is it ok to only hold true to certain beliefs sometimes, when you think you can count yourself in, but not when it matters. To me, you can't count yourself into the crowd until you are really willing to follow through. We aren't even talking about making mistakes here, but intentional choices. You either choose to eat meat, or you don't.

To call yourself a vegetarian, in any way, when you actively partake of meat on at least a part time basis, is a bit demeaning to the term. I actually am a bit offended. You are not a vegetarian. You just eat less meat. If I walk into the woods dressed in camouflage, am I suddenly a hunter? In my case, I would probably be there to scare the animals away, but still, I participated in half of the appropriate related activity. So, under this same misguided premise, wouldn't I then be hunting? Maybe I would actually have to carry a gun. I certainly wouldn't have to kill anything because many hunters come back with nothing to show for their efforts, even though they wanted to. So, you can't make that a requirement.

I hope I am not alone in seeing the absurdity of someone who is a meat eater calling themselves a vegetarian. Don't get me wrong, I think it is great if you want to eat less meat. Good on you. However, if you really feel the need to label yourself something special as a reward for your effort, try a different word or phrase. I hear people use flexitarian, and that is at least not offensive as calling yourself a vegetarian. Instead, how about you forget about trying get other people to pat you on the back for your sacrifice, and just enjoy a wonderful, flavorful, healthy meatless meal.

So am I old, or not?

My oldest is quite into the fact that the little one is starting to potty train. In her mind, this is the step where she becomes a big girl, and they will start to be more alike, do the same things, and so on. I think the older one believes that once the little one is out of diapers, they will suddenly have the same interests, as though an age gap has disappeared.

When we were discussing potty training, on the way to buy pull ups for the first time, the older one got confused about their ages.
"So, when Ava turns five, I will be 6?"

"No, babe. When Ava turns 5, you will be 8."

"Eight?? I will be eight years old?" The idea of being 8 seemed absolutely unbelievable to my 5 year old. She acted like I had just said 100.

"Then, not long after that you will turn 9."

"Nine?? I will turn nine years old. Wow. That is a lot of years."

Harumph. Nine is not a lot of years.

"No. Nine isn't a lot at all. You won't be old. Nine isn't old, even 29, like momma isn't old, huh?"

For those of you who are not in the know, yes, I have my daughter convinced that I just turned 29, again.

"No, mom. Twenty-nine isn't old."

Have I told you all how much I love that child??

Of course, then the little one has to join in.

"Momma old."

"What? Momma isn't old. Ava, 29 isn't old. Momma isn't old, right Lilly?"

"No, mom, you aren't old."

And in comes the wee one, yet again, to tear me down.

"Yes, momma old."

The conversation went on. The big one and I agree that I'm not old, but the little one is adamant that I am. Not sure if she remembers who buys the Dora gummy snacks around here, or not, but she needs to recognize. Ok. Sorry. I couldn't resist that one.

None the less, having your baby tell you that are old isn't very nice. It can really hurt. She will likely be my last baby, unless we are granted some kind of miracle, too. So, she really has the power to make me feel both old and young at the same time. I'm sure over the course of our lives, this will be far from the last time she makes me feel old. I just wish it didn't start at the age of 1.

Please, Please, Be Offended

It seems like just about every day I get into a discussion either about something that has offended someone, someone who wouldn't act out of fear of offending, or just the way that everybody and everything seems to be offensive these days.

Well, I personally, am not offended, but it seems like the rest of the world is constantly in the state of being offended or another. The act of being offended has gone well beyond ridiculous, and straight to asinine. More over, we aren't just offended anymore. The things people say and do are not simple offensive, but hateful. The term "Hate Speech" raises my ire more that most things right now. Everything is hate speech. If you disagree with someone, you are a hater. You know nothing, and you are nothing, because you cease to exist, one you are found to be a hater, who only uses hate speech.

Seriously, people, give it a rest. If you don't like something, don't support it, but then get over it. Were a nation of ridiculous people who are terrified to open their mouth for fear over offending someone.

Our current presidential election is a great example. If I hear one more person or candidate apologize for an attack add, or talk about how they oppose of any attacks on their opponent, etc, I think I am going to upchuck. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen If you can't take the political shots, don't run for office. These men are supposed to lead our nation, and they can't even stand up for themselves. Man up, fellas. I am terrified of the next 4 years no matter who wins.

The next time some one tells me I am fat, I am going to tell them that I don't appreciate their hate speech, that they should know better then to be so offensive, and since they are now a hater, I won't be talking to them anymore. Now, I just have to hope it isn't my Dr, because I really like her, and don't want to find another one.

Ugg. All of screaming people do about hate filled, offensive speech from haters is on my last nerve. Actually, I find it all rather offensive. Harumph.