The Best Day

Today was a good day.  I would even dare say today was a great day.
It was, of course, Easter Sunday, but that is only part of what made it a great day.
Last Easter, I was very pregnant, and The Littlest One was born 4 days later.  My husband was just barely in from yet another deployment.  There was just too much going on.
This year, we were able to plan better.  I had help getting everything together and done.
We did all of the standard Easter stuff.  There were baskets filled with goodies by the back door.  Eggs had mysteriously appeared outside to hunt.  There were some pretty fantastic things found in them, including a little money.  We had a gloriously huge breakfast, something we love to do on Easter and Christmas.  All of the things you need for a good Easter were there.

What I think made it the best day of all those of late, though, is that we quite worrying, and just enjoyed being together today.  Things have gotten so stressful, with My Husband's impending transition to civilian life and trying to get a job, that we spend most of our time worrying, and planning, and planning to worry.  Not today.
Today, we played.  We spent hours outside trying to teach The Big One to ride her bike with no training wheels.   I know she is behind on that, but we are working on it.  She did pretty well.  We put The Little Big One on The Big One's old bike, and she took off like a champ.  My Husband, always the more adventurous one, put The Littlest One  on the push along tricycle, an even in the power wheels Barbie Jeep.  She loved them both, and decided she was just as cool as the big kids.
WE must have spent hours in the back alley way, just hanging out.  It was seriously great.
We need more days like this in our lives, where we don't have to worry about everything going on.  I think everyone needs more days like this.  They are far and few between.  So we should enjoy them, and truly relish in them when you can.  Today, we did.
I hope all of you find some fantastic days like that with your family soon, too.

Hurry Up and Wait

Being a military spouse, I would say that I have spent a great deal of time playing the waiting game.  In between trying to get orders, deployments, moving, and everything else we do, it seems like waiting is what we do most.  I really thought that when we started to transition over to civilian life, that would change, but in fact, it seems to be at its worst.
My husband has decided to go into law enforcement.  He wants to be a police officer.  I totally support him in this.  I think this is a great career move for him.  He is totally dedicated to the idea, and having spent the last decade as a military family, I think the lifestyle will be more like what we already know.
Since he was deployed until close to the end of February, we have been working on getting him a job since he came home.  The problem is, everything from here on out is a waiting game.  There are a lot of steps that you much go through to get a law enforcement job, much more than a normal job.  We do one little piece, then wait.  Something else, then wait.  You get it. First, we built his resume.  Then we needed references.  Pretty much all the people he works with were on leave.  So, we waited until everyone came back to work to ask to use them as references, or at least until we could actually get in touch with them since so many were traveling.  We submitted his application, and then found out we needed his diploma and things like that.  We waited for it to come in the mail.  We sent that off, and waited for an email confirmation from each city.  After that, we did some secondary tests.  Some cities we are still waiting for that step on, more than a month later.  We are finally onto the written in house tests for a few places that he must go to each location for, and in one city past that, but the wait after those is excruciating.  It takes weeks to get your test results back, and find out if you passed with a high enough score to move on.  Each an every step has a wait in between and the waits can be a week, a month, or more.

We have very little time left.  He has just under one month before we go on what is called terminal leave.  That basically means he saved up a lot of vacation days and gets to use them all at the end of his final enlistment to give us time to move and get settled in.  Of course, when you don't know where you are going, that time doesn't do you much good.  We have only three and a half months total before he is totally out of the military.  That's it.   All done.  Three and a half months is nothing when it takes up to a year to get a law enforcement job.  WE would have started earlier, but its nearly impossible when deployed.
Then, on top of all that, we have one of the largest bureaucratic oversights ever made to deal with.  When you want to apply for any job, and that job gives veterans preference, the job requires a copy of your DD214, the form military members are given when they get out.  Problem is, you don't get it until you get out.  That actually changed recently, and you can get the form, for the purposes of getting  job, a little bit before you get out.  My Husband will get his in May.  Again, we need it before May.  Each time he applies somewhere, we have to explain he is military, but active duty.  So, he doesn't have the form.  Then, he may or may not be eligible to claim veterans preference, based on the sole discretion and understanding of whomever answers that phone.  Some places have accepted a letter from the command stating that he will retire with an honorable discharge.  Some have not.  So, we wait.  Longer and longer, making it harder an harder to find a job, let alone the right job.
This all blows my mind.  You would think that being in the military, already having his government clearance, and being exactly the kind of person that any law enforcement agency would want with all the training he already has, that this would go fast, but that simply isn't true.  So, I sit here this morning, waiting, to see what we can do next.  I'm tired of waiting.  I'm over it.   I want to be able to tell my children where we are going to live in a couple of month.  I want to start looking for a house, and not just dreaming about a house.  I want to move on with my life.  Hopefully soon, because seriously, I can't wait.

How did we get here?

This morning, when I woke up, something was wrong.  There was a disturbance in the force, of sorts.  I got ready, came down stairs, and there was The Big Little One, eating her weird concoction of 5 different kinds of cereal, and I realized what it was.  I now have two school age children and only one baby.

Today is The Big Little One's birthday.

While I knew it was her birthday, I am the one who gave birth after all, it really hit me that in a few months, I will be sending two girls to school, and not one.  I'll suddenly be back to just one child with me all day.  I'll be able to do things you do when you have only one child, and that child is younger.  We can go back to the toddler story time.  I can go hang out at a park, and not have to worry constantly about trying to keep my eyes on all my children at once.  Things will be different.  This time around, on her first day of school, I won't have nearly the anxiety about her that I did with her big sister.  I've done this once before and that helps.  More importantly, I know she is ready.  She is so independent.  She wants to go.  She talks about going to school almost every time we walk by the kindergarten classes as we drop The Big One off at school.  Probably most importantly of all, I know she will not only thrive, but she will flourish.  She is a smart kid.  She loves to learn.  She will love school in general.  I'm sure there will be challenges along the way for her, there are for everyone, but I expect her to do very well, and tackle them head on, just like she does everything else.  I can picture her being my athlete, and competing in every sport each of her schools have to offer as she grows.  I can see her being the one with the soccer, softball, and maybe even basket ball games year round, while perhaps her older sister is a cheer leader.  They are just so different, it amazes me.

Today we will have birthday cake and ice cream.  There will be presents.  We will celebrate how wonderful and amazing she is.  Today, it will be about her as much as it possibly can be.  Next year, there will be new friends, and a party with kids from class for the first time.  She is growing up so quickly, I can't believe it.  I swear just yesterday she was taking her first steps, and learning to use the potty.  Now, she is about to enter the world of the big kids, and really start a major new phase in her life.

I love you, my sweetheart.  You are amazing and fantastic.  You are funny and ferocious.  I am thankful every day that you chose me to be your mom.  I love you forever.  Happy Birthday!

A Quick Share

I'm actually working on catching up on some of my blogging (I swear), but in the mean time, I thought I would share a quick moment from my day yesterday.

We are currently down to one car.  Until we make the decision about where to move, we have no immediate plans to buy another one, either.  So, we spend a lot of time in the truck right now, shuffling it back and forth for everything we all need.
On the way to pick My Husband up from work, The Big Little One and I are discussing something, no idea what, and I told her I agreed with her about what ever it was.  She got quiet for a moment.  Then, in a very thoughtful voice, she said "Mom, sometimes, you are on my side, and sometimes you are not".  That is a very powerful statement from a 4 year old.  I looked over my shoulder to where she was sitting, behind the passenger's seat, at her beautiful face.  I wasn't sure exactly where to go with it.  I started with telling her that mom may or may not always agree with everything she does or says, but I will always support her and be in her corner.  I went on and on.  I wanted to make sure to address any concerns she might have, and make she knows that I always support her, even if I don't agree with her, no matter what.  I finished it all up, with a simple "Ok?" to make sure she understood.
She immediately replied in a strained tone that showed she was at the end of her patience, "No, Mom, I mean sometimes you are on my side of the car, and sometimes you aren't."  Oh.  Yes.  Well, then.  Ok.  I told her she was absolutely correct.  Sometimes I drive, and sometimes I ride.  At least, now she knows where I stand on many things, as well as where I sit.

Things I Wish I Could Say

I'm trying very hard right now to do what I'm sure my mother would tell me is the right thing.  Problem is, the right thing is nothing.  I must do, and more difficultly, say nothing.  Let me assure you, sometimes, it is very hard for me to do nothing, and nearly impossible for me to say nothing.

I know someone who is going through a situation very, very similar to something i have gone though.  It was a terrible situation.  Heart wrenching.  I would only wish it on my worst enemy, and even then, maybe not.
Now, someone I know is dealing with the same thing, and I can't say a single word.
I'm dying to reach out, but right now, I don't think it would be received well.  I'm dying to offer a hug, but I think it would cause more pain for me to acknowledge everything going on, then just to sit here, and hope for the best.
No.  It just isn't my place to involve myself at this point.  Should I ever get an open invitation of any kind, I will gladly jump in.  I would love to be able to be there, and be the support of someone who has been there.  I want to do that.  I wish I could, but I just can't right now.  The right thing to do is really nothing, and it is the hardest thing ever.

I Know I Have Gone Insane

I'm updating my blog, not really because I want to at the moment.  In fact, I would much, much rather be sleeping, like the rest of the people in my house.  However, in 18 minutes, I can grab more booth slots for my Girl Scouts.  So, even though every little person in currently snoozing away, I'm up.  Here.  For you.  No.  For me.  Whining.
Its moments like these that I realize just how insane I am.  Even though I am currently in this alone, since my co leader had to move quickly thanks to military life, and my husband is still yet deployed, I am going, full throttle, into a cookie season where I am leader, cookie parent, and more.  All of that, along with running my moms group, volunteering at my daughter's school, and simply trying to survive with three kids all by myself isn't easy, in fact, sometimes it feels like I suffocating. I know I'm not though.  I'm going to muddle through each and every bit of this, and ride the tide of crazy that comes along with doing too much sometimes.  I know I can handle this.  I may not do the best job that any one has ever done on all of it, but it will all get done, and that is just going to have to be good enough.  I may not have the time to take long showers and get my hair done, or keep myself looking like I want to, but those things aren't really important in the grand scheme of life.  I can be a little unkempt.  I can wear nothing but jeans and t-shirts, if that is where life takes me.  If I brush my hair as I am walking out the door, and the first mirror I look in is the rear view when I take off each day, so be it.  For the moment, that may be the best I can do.
So, you will have to excuse me as I keep this post short.  I'm about to go pick times to take my kids and stand in front of a whole bunch of stores, trying to sell cookies.  I may go looking like I've been raised by wolves, but I will be there.

Things I Can't Wait for

We are seriously counting down the days until my husband comes back.  I don't know his return time yet, or believe me, I would be counting down the hours, too.  We are that close.  I suppose close is relative, of course.  We do, after all, still have a tiny bit to go.  I'm willing to bet that this last bit is going to fly by.  We have a lot to do.  We have to make a new banner to put in front of the house.  I think we might wrap the door, too.  I need to get the house clean. Yikes!  That's a big one.
In the mean time, I thought I would share all the great things that come with his return, or at least some of them.

Things I am looking forward to when my husband comes home: (In no particular order)

• Sex (let's just be honest)
• Taking a shower with the bathroom door closed, and no one opening it
• Going to the bathroom to potty with the door closed.
• Sex (Come on, its been 7 months.  That deserves two mentions.)
• Having adult conversation without going out of the house to find it.
• Not being the one to do the dishes.
• Being able to go get coffee with my friends.
• Yelling "Not It!" when we both discover The Littlest One has a dirty diaper and actually having someone else do it.
• Sleeping and snuggling with someone taller than me.
• Being able to lay on his chest at night. (Man do I miss this.)
• Sex - What? I mention that already...twice...oh...well...
• Sitting on the couch, drinking a Mike's, and watching The Big Bang Theory together (one of our favorite past times).
• Pizza Sundays, when we all make pizza together. 
• Family time.  Any family time.  
• Co-parenting.  God I miss that.  
• His laugh.
• How much he makes me laugh.
• Seeing him with The Girls, and watching him be the incredible dad he is.
• Hugs

Honestly, I could go on forever.  I would start crying though, if I went on much more.  I miss him.  We all miss him.  It won't be long, though.  Really.  I can almost feel his arms around me now.  I can't wait.