You Hateful Bunch of .....UUGGH

(Alternative post title: "Don't ever go to CafeMom for support")

I'm not sure how else to say this, but how dare you?  How dare you be such a judgmental bunch of hateful people?
Of course, I'm not speaking to everyone out there in the whole wide world.  I'm speaking directly to those ass wholes (yes I said it) women out there who insist on tearing each other down for no good reason.
This is what I'm talking about.

Now, let me tell you, we all have tough days.  There are many days where I have cried into my pillow at night.  There are many times that I have hated how hard things are sometimes as a parent, but never would I lash out at someone for feeling like that.

What I would do is give this mom a big hug.  Maybe suggest a mom's group which can make a world of difference in your mindset.  Having other mom's tell you its ok and that we have all been there is something we all need to here from time to time.  I might tell her to go see someone, too.  I mean, parenting is hard, and sometimes we can all use a little help.

However, these bitchy moms think what they need is to tear this mom down.  What they need is a good smack of reality.  Words hurt.  A lot.  When you are reaching out for help, they cut like a knife.

These horrible women have wounded a kindred spirit for no good reason other than spite.
To all of you judgement people like that, I hope you never have a bad day.  I hope you never have a day when you need to complain about how awful moments in parenting can be.  When you do have one, I hope you remember how hurtful you were.  I'm sure you are far too self absorbed to realize any of that, though.  So, even though you have done something terrible, i really hope that when you do have a bad day, because we all do, that someone shows you more kindness and mercy than you showed.  The cycle has to stop.
We teach our kids not to bully, and now it's time that the mommy circle learns the same thing.

I Could Have Sworn I Was Born Here......

I'm going to give you all a little piece of unsolicited advice.  You may do with it what you will, but if you choose to print this out and cram it somewhere, I don't need to know about it.

The advice I am going to give you is absolutly unoversal, and should you chose not to heed it, could make your life much more difficult.

Never.  Ever.  Assume you know where someone is from, where they were raised, how they were raised, or their background.  Always let them, or facts, tell you.  

Assumning you know someone will undoubtedloy get you into troiuble.  Or  fight at a PTA meeting.

Tonight, as I was being jumped on, I was told repeatedly that I didn't understand something because I wasn't from the Bible Belt.  

Ummm........

Wrong.

I was born and raised in North East TN, which is much more of a Bible Belt than this is.  I was raised in a town that had a massive protest when Applebee's tried to open up because the sign was going to say "Bar and Grill" and bars are to be hidden, never put out on display.  This was when I was in High School, too.  Not back in the 50's.

I was raised in a Pentecostal church.  Look it up.  

I get the religious side of things.  

My sister happens to be an associate pastor at her church.  Not that her job means anything as far as my credintials, but I'm pretty sure that if I do something totally antireligious, she is going to call me out on it.  

Howwver, tonight, I kept being told I just didn't understand.  I just don't get it.  I am not from "here".  

I am right now, personally offended.  Perhaps I should take it as a total compliment that people don't view me as being from "here".  After all, if this is the land of religious zealots who don't want to understnad technology for fear that Satan is always behind a cmputer, then I'm good with not being from "here".  

What, you may ask, was all the hub bub about?

Bar codes.  

You know how everyone has a bar code for everything now.  There are bar codes on your grocery store cards.  There are bar codes on every product you buy.  Really, look around, and they are every where.  People even have apps on their smart phones to be able to scan them.
However, when it comes to membership in a organization I am part of, they just won't fly. 

Apparently, people here would totally reject it, and at some point in time in the very contentious discussion, someone likened them to the mark of the beast.  

I kid you not.  

I couldn't make that up.  

All of this was thrown at me, me the person who didn't even suggest car codes but had looked into the feasibility for someone else, because I couldn't understand people.  I am an outsider.  So, I took the brunt of everything.

I may not sound like people do here, or act or think like them.  I may be open to change and multiculturalism, but that doesn't mean I don't know anything about here, too.  I've lived more, experience more, and been through more than many people.
Do not assume you know me.

I get that a lot of crazy things happen in California.  People out there want to ban Oreos, and that stands as evidence enough of some of the goofy things that happen, but goofy things happen everywhere.  Like people flipping out about bar codes.  It just so happens, though, that people in CA wouldn't be afraid of bar codes.  They are much more open to people of different cultures and experiences, because everyone in CA is from a different culture or experience.
So, if you want to call me that mom from CA, go ahead.  I may have been born and raised in East TN, but if being open minded and forward thinking equals being from CA, I'll take it in a heart beat.
In the mean time, if you want to know what I think, how I feel, or about my experience in life, ask.  I'll be glad to tell you.  All the while trying to plan my escape back to California, land of people who embrace bar codes.  

Netflix, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

I think Netflix has it out for me.
Actually, I feel like they want to see how far they can push their customer base repeatedly until they no longer have one.  They seem to love pissing off the masses.
Today, they succeeded with me.
A while back, when they switched all heir pricing plans, and lost tons of customers, people were pissed.  They decided that streaming and DVDs would be separate services, and cost much more individually than they had together.  OK.  Fine.  We didn't stream.  It totally sucked to lose that value, though.
THen, a few months ago, we were actually able to get a free trial of the streaming, and come to find out, we loved it.  They had all kinds of things my kids both would watch, and were actually allowed to.  In addition, they had Dora the Explorer on tap, and let me assure you, if you have ever parented a young toddler, Dora and Diego can be your best friends when you are at your wits end.  So, needless to day, we stuck with it.
I don't even bother turning on the Cable box about half the time anymore.  We just pull up Netflix, and turn it on Dora int he morning while I fix breakfast so that The Littlest One can get her fix, and I can actually get breakfast fixed.
We have loved it.  I have felt the service was well worth the extra money for streaming.
We did consider the new RedBox streaming service that is currently in Beta.  It is cheaper than Netflix.  You also get Redbox rentals which means current movies.  That meant there was way more value there since we pay separately for actual DVDs from Netflix.  However, RedBox doesn't have the Nickelodeon shows we love.  So, we stuck to Netflix even though there was a cost difference.
Then, today, they lay the whammy down.  No more Nick tunes.
Netflix decided not to renew a TON of stuff for their streaming.
Gone.
All gone.
My baby is devastated.
I am devastated.
No more Dora while I fix dinner.
No more Dora when I am about ot pull out my hair.
Now, I have to get out the DVDs, turn on the DVD player..etc, etc, etc.  HASSLE.
I feel like they took back that little piece of sanity I had been paying them for.
So, I think I'm done.
With the whole thing.
They are now only slightly better than RedBox streaming, and only because of the ease of the devices.  Redbox is still in it's infancy, and hasn't caught up to all the things Netflix can use.  That's ok.  I will make it work while they keep adding devices.
Now, I will get to choose Redbox movies a couple of times a month, instead of constantly missing the mail lady and never returning my Netflix movies when I want to.
Yes, I see a major switch happening, and I hope lots of people follow.
Netflix has consistently shown that they don't care about their customers, because they were the only real game in town.
No more.
Red Box, get ready for some new subscriptions. I'm starting my free trial ASAP.

When Thank You Isn't Enough

I already got a little teary eyed this morning.  On top of that, I completely made a teacher cry.
You see, there are people in life who, whether you realize in the moment or not, will leave a lasting and far reaching impact on your life.
Teacher can be those people.
Not always, but sometimes.

Sometimes, you happen to be lucky enough to be blessed with a teacher that isn't just good, or even great, but is the kind of person who truly makes changes.
This year, we were so lucky to have gotten Middie's teacher.  It was kind of luck, too.
She wasn't the original teach for the year.  We were supposed to have someone totally different, who ended up being moved to forth grade due to enrollment numbers.  This meant that two weeks into the school year, our teacher was moved suddenly form First grade, where she had been told she was going to get to stay, to Kinder.

Not only was she moved, but she was given the most difficult class I have ever seen.  I don't say that lightly.  The class mix was absolutely not a balanced one, and even I could see it.  Additionally, from being the "home room parent" I can tell you that the parents are mostly not active participants with the school.  I couldn't get anyone to come in and help with just about anything, not even for parties.  I mean, we are in the south, and people wouldn't donate food.  That has to tell you how bad it was.  We love party food here.  It's sort of a religion in itself, and yet, I had to beg and over compensate.  It is that bad.  So, she had little to no help all year long.

Yet, through it only, she didn't just choose to persevere, she chose to blaze.
This teacher came in and saw a flawed system.  She wanted better, not just for her class, but for every child there.  She knows that Kindergarten is truly the foundation of the rest of their educational careers, and she was determined to give every child at this school the strongest foundation that they could possibly get.
She advocated for change.  She fought for the kids.  I can not imagine what all she has put into that school this year, but I do know that every child in Kindergarten this year, and every year to follow, is better for it.
So, you see, I don't think there will ever be adequate thanks for all of that.  I would give her a medal if I could.  I should have nominated her for every single teaching award I could find.  Even though no one else may proclaim it, and all of those children who's future's have been changed may never even realize it, I know that she is truly the Teacher of the Year.

When it came time for teacher appreciation week, there was no way I couldn't give back.
I sent out a note asking all the parents to donate to a class gift, and letting them know it was teacher appreciation week.  Of course, if they won't donate food, I didn't expect much.  I did get a couple of donations.  That was great.  Regardless, as to who did or didn't help, though,she was getting a good thank you.
On Monday, when I covered the class for her during new Kinder registration, I took a blank white card and had all the kids in the room sign it.  I took it home to scrap it.  On Tuesday, she got a big, gorgeous, potted flower from us.  I took the donations we got, I ask for a Starbucks coffee theme since she has a coffee pot in the class, and put it in a cute container she can use in class.  In addition to the coffee and mug we had, I put a few other things in, along with the card from the class.  We also left her a little gift certificate in the book fair going on in the library for her to buy a book or two for the class.

This morning  I took everything into class.  I stood at the door and ask for two of the kids.  I had them give it to her, and tell her it was from the whole class.  She read what was written for her, and started to tear up.  She came over to give me a hug, and I started to cry.  I told her from the bottom of my heart that there would never be enough thanks for everything she has done, and said some of the things that I said here.  She is truly inspirational.
She is the kind of teacher that we all wish for when we send out kids to school, and we were lucky enough to get her.
I am thankful.  Now, and always.  Thank you for helping my child love school.  Thank you for giving her the best education you could.  Thank you for being kind.  Thank you for being generous.  Thank you for really making a difference that will be felt forever more.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

Crisis of Car Seat Conscious

I'm in the midst of a serious car seat dilemma, or at least it feels that way.  I happen to be a bit of a car seat snob and zealot.  Not totally, but maybe a little.  I only buy very good seats (read really expensive, too).  I know that the quality of the car seat actually matters.  I have a brand that I prefer as soon as they are out of the carriers.  This particular brand allows for both extended rear facing and extended harness use.  Both of which are very important to me.  Currently, The biggest One, my 9 year old, is still in a booster.  She hasn't hit the weight limit yet.  So, I see no point in changing that until she does hit the weight limit.  As a side note, she is only a few pounds away, and I will be totally heart broken when I have to take her out of the booster. Middie, who is now 6, is still in a 4 point harness.  The car seat allows up to 80lbs, I think, for the harness.  She is no where near that.  So, she will be in the harness until she out grows the seat via height.  She will then be moved into a booster.  Her older sister was only switched over just before she turned 8.  Yup.  I had a seven year old in a harness. The Littlest One is still rear facing at 23 months and 28 days.  She will be 2 this weekend, and I am really considering turning her around.  I know that rear facing is so much safer, and new guideline say that they should rear face until at least two.  My heart and head are totally conflicted. The problem is, in my older model Ford Expedition, I can't get the car seat to sit well rear facing.  It just seems like it is in a very odd place or angle for her.  Due to that, I think she may be better off forward facing.  The thing is, we have another vehicle where she fits just fine rear facing. My Husband likes for me to drive the Expedition.  He feels like it makes more sense and is safer due to it's large size (though I tend to disagree with that portion).  Anyway, the thing is, once I flip her, I flip her in both vehicles, not just one.  Once she forward faces, I know she won't want to go back.  She already hates riding in the car (total car screamer).  I am pretty sure that forward facing will cut down on that at least a little.  That means there is no going back when we switch vehicles back and forth.  She won't have it.
So, what to do?  Do I drive the truck with less room, but allows her car seat to seat safely rear facing all the time?  Do I go ahead and flip her?
I may also, in total honesty, be feeling a little bummed about turning her around because she is my baby.  Turning her means she isn't so much of a baby anymore.  Since we won't be having any more babies either, it makes everything like this just a little more difficult.
I'm having a total mommy conscious moment.  I've had a few of those, lately, but this one is going to have to be addressed this weekend.


**I don't need any feed back about how she must be getting cramped rear facing, or how that it "looks unsafe".  Extended rear facing is safer.  Fact.  No arguments.  If you aren't aware of how much safer, you should read up on it.  If there wasn't the issue of the poor position in the one vehicle, I wouldn't even be considering it.**

Its TCAP Baby!

For about the last two weeks, life at school for The Big Girls has completely changed.  It has been taken over by TCAP mania.  For those who aren't from the great state of Tennessee, that would be the name for the state standardized testing here.  It is seriously insane.  I know there are standardized tests in every state, and The Big One must have taken them in CA, but I have no real memory of them.  So, they didn't stand out as a huge deal.  Here, though, you can't help but know about them.  Even people who don't have kids know it is TCAP week in TN.  Seriously.
Its starts with rally preparations.  First, the school becomes completely devoid of all letters and numbers.  The rules here state that the children not be allowed to see any letters or number (not a joke).  So, every single thing with writing on it of any kind is either covered up with plain black paper or removed.  The school looks terrible.  It is both creepy and sad.
So, to make up for it, they try to make a big party atmosphere for all the kids taking the tests.  We have a massive pep rally the Friday before TCAPs start.  At our school, each grade comes up with a song, a parody of something popular on the radio, and rewords it to have a TCAP theme.  Middie's was TCAP Baby, Which was actually a parody of Call Me Maybe.  This isn't the same version that our school sang, but I have to share this video here.  I mean, after all, if teachers are willing to do this for their kids, you have to give them some serious love, and share it with the world.

This also gives you an idea of what I am talking about.
See, craziness.
Every day, the teacher on morning drop off duty has held a count down sign letting us know how many days left until TCAPs.  This whole week, Middie will be in a different classroom. Since her teacher has proctored TCAPs before, they are moving her to help with the older kids this week.  Her class is being divided up and put in the other Kindergarten class rooms for a week.
The Big One's teacher sent home a note asking us to send in snacks and water for the whole class.  We went to Costco and sent in a huge thing of mini water bottles and cheeze its in individual bags as per her request.  They were told that they could chew gum this week, and even take off their shoes, or do what ever else made them feel most comfortable.

One of the biggest signs that TCAPs were coming, though, is that for the last week to two weeks, the kids who have to take the tests, Kinders are exempt from TCAPs, haven't really been doing normal school work.  They have only been prepping for TCAPs.  They have taken practice test after practice test.  They have studied the material that should be on the test, and only that.
School has basically come to a screeching halt so that these kids can get the best possible score on the test.

Now, call me crazy, but I think somewhere along the line, someone missed the point.  Actually, I think everyone has in charge of this missed the point.  Instead of teaching a well rounded curriculum and hoping that the kids do well, the schools here are literally teaching for the test and only the test.  I know it isn't all the fault of the schools and especially not the teachers, but of a system that has really lost its focus as well.  The teachers are doing what they have to do.  There must be a better way.
I'm not sure what it is right now, but I know broken when I see it, and clearly, the way we are teaching our children is broken.  We should be doing better for them.  We should have the best educational system in the world, and I am so sorry that we are failing at that.  Perhaps it is the people who come up with these systems and rules who need some testing, not the students, at least not like this.

Cheating The Littlest One

Even though The Biggest One was born in South Texas, she was raised in San Diego.  Middie was raised there, until we moved here.  Though she was young when we moved, I think she will keep a lot of memories of our time there, and certainly the impact of all the things we did, and her experiences will carry forward with her.  The Littlest One, though, she won't remember San Diego, at all.  She was so small, that the fact that she was born there will just be something written on a piece of paper to her.  She is a Native San Diegan by word only.
That really breaks my heart.
I love San Diego.  I love the culture.  I love the atmosphere.  I love all that there is to do with my children.  I tried to take advantage of a lot of that, too.  As a result, I think I gave The Big Girls a pretty well rounded life experience before they started kindergarten.  I don't really believe that preschool is in any way necessary for a young child's development, and as long as you give them a great, well rounded life experience before school starts, they should be just fine, and maybe even fantastic, by the time they are ready to start school.  I think I was able to provide that for The Big Girls.  We did Sea World and the San Diego Zoo.  They were able to see all sorts of fantastic animals and shows.  They were able to learn a lot about the world around them.  The San Diego Zoo, one of my favorite places on earth, has a great program for moms groups.  They bring you in a little early before the zoo opens, and take you on a special tour of the zoo.  Each month there is a different theme and you get to learn about something very cool.  There was even story time at the end of each session.  It was fantastic.  The kids get to be exposed to so much that way.  We were doing that with our group every month before we left, and it was  seriously great.  We went to parks all the time.  We got out.  We played with out friends.  We got fresh air and exercise on a regular basis.
All that life experience is invaluable.
Now, though, we aren't in San Diego.  The weather is crappy most of the time.  We don't get to see the sun much, and it is freaking cold here during the winter and spring.  That means no outside time.  We rarely go outside, unless it is to run from the house to the car.  It sucks.  There is a Zoo, but it is more like a petting Zoo.  Besides, no other zoo compares to the San Diego Zoo.  IT really is the best.  There certainly isn't a Sea World anywhere near by.  We do have an aquarium, but there were a few of those in San Diego as well.  The fact is, there just isn't nearly as much to offer here as there was there.
The culture is also much different.  We are seriously lacking in cultural diversity here as compared to San Diego.  Seriously.  I went to the best Asian market we have here.  It was about the size of a convenience store.  That was it.  I guess I should be thankful we have one at all.
We just don't have what we are using to having in San Diego anymore.
I feel like The Big Girls got so much by living there, and by moving here, we are cheating The Littlest One out of all those opportunities to explore the world.  It isn't fair to her that she won't get to see dolphins any time we want, or check out a polar bear on a beautiful, sunny day. I wonder how it will affect her development as a person later on in life.
I can see a stark difference in the children who were raised here and The Biggest One.  They are already very close minded when it comes to anything that is different.  Telling them that a food is from another culture makes it gross, not interesting.  When they meet people who are new are different, and it takes a long time to welcome them in.  They simply haven't been exposed to anything, and have parents who aren't opening their world up, either.  It makes me sad.

The other day,  The Biggest One and I were watching Chopped.  One of the contestants said that she really needed the money because her partner was about to have a baby.  The Biggest One said that was really nice that she would just give that money to her friend.  I very simply told her that wasn't what partner meant.  It was more like a girl friend or wife.  The Biggest One's reply was "Oh, ok."  She just didn't get the term.  There was no big discussion needed.  There wasn't an astounded reaction.  She knows that any one can love anyone they want to because she has seen it with her own two eyes.  She knows there are two mommy households, and that isn't anything new or odd to her at all.  It's just a part of life as she knows it.
That is what I want for my kids.  I want them to love and respect diversity, and I fear greatly that they will miss out on all that by being here.

I'm really trying hard to find the good in our new home.
We do have some fantastic lakes, two huge ones really, with tons of parks around them, and even a make shift beach.  We have some other nifty attractions like the Lookout Mountain.  There is a lot of camping and hiking that can be done.  We also have a great Discovery Center that I think would actually put the Reuben H. Fleet to shame sometimes, or at the very least rival it well.
That's it, though.  So, I will have to seek out the best of our area that I can to try be the best parent that I can be here.  We can go down to Atlanta and visit their Aunt, to see what Atlanta has to offer.  We can hit the parks when it is warm.  I'll do the best that I can do with what I have, and hope, that I can give her what she needs, even if it isn't what I want.