Teachers Aren't Mean

I'm going to share something that I hope doesn't get people upset.
I know, as a parent, we hear about "mean" teachers all the time.  You know those teachers that yell, a lot.  Those teachers that don't seem to let their kids wiggle an inch without being all over them.

I get it now.

I mean, I know there are exceptions to every rule and sometimes, there may be a person out there who really is mean.  It happens.  We all wish it didn't, but it does.  I'm not talking about those people who end up on the news, because they are generally bad people, I'm talking about your every man or woman teacher who seems just to be grumpy with the kids.

This year in my troop, I have about 32 girls.  I have parents in the room with the troop and I, but let's be honest, there are many days where I feel likes its me versus them.
It isn't that I think we have an adversarial relationship.  I love those girls.  Its that I feel like I'm fighting the ocean sometimes.  I have good control.  I can usually keep them quiet, but this year, it feels a little more overwhelming than it ever has before.
I have a few that I Think are trying to give me a coronary.  I isn't that they are bad, but that they can't be still.  I mean, we meet right after school.  Those kids are tired of still.  Unfortunately, our programming needs some still in it.  It also needs some quiet.  Let me tell you how well that works.
It doesn't.
I try to adapt, but I swear there is only so much i can do.
We use a call and response for me to snap them back to attention.  Its one of those things where I yell something, and they yell something back.  We have a million of them, but my favorite is:
me: "Hocus Pocus"
Them "Everybody Focus".
Its cute, right? 
Until the 15th time in a single hour. 
Then, I get that the magic in my hocus and my pocus is just gone.

At that point, and on days like today, where I have seriously told one child to leave the P.E. teacher's bones alone no less than 5 times, separated 3 groups of kids, and found myself with a buddy (aka you cant sit by anybody but me today) all within an hour and a half that I totally get the "mean" teachers.
They can't help it.  They aren't mean, they are tired. 
They aren't mean, but they are sure that if they give an inch, someone is going to take that inch and find a way to turn it into a mile of crazy. 
They are frustrated.

See, I'm in this position because we don't have enough volunteer parents.  Like I said, I have parents in the room, I am required to, but I'm talking about parents that want to get into the thick of things and really volunteer.  So, I take all comers, hold on for dear life, and hope for the best.  It isn't always what i would want, but at least they get something instead of nothing. 

Teachers are in this position because no one who decides how many kids in a class is appropriate has ever stood in front of 27 kids who just don't get what you are putting down and you are the one who has to figure out how to feed it into 27 different minds with different learning styles simultaneously, while dealing with those kids who have special needs, kids who have home life problems, kids who need to wiggle and jump, and so on, and so on. 
I would be mean, too.  Every day of my life. 
I remember when I was in elementary school, we had like 20 kids, at most, to a class, and there was a teacher's assistant.  Remember those wonderful ladies?  They did the prepwork,  helped out kids who needed it, and so on. 
No, forget the assistant, and in some schools parents aren't even allowed in any more. 

I think, if we want to find ourselves without mean teachers, we need to refocus and change our thinking.  It isn't a problem with the people we are hiring (exceptions noted), but with the conditions we put them in. 
I don't want to be a mean Scout leader, but I also don't want to have to yell "macaroni" (the correct response from my girls is "Cheese") 25 times in an hour to try to bring some semblance of peace back into a room.

We, as a society need to really take the time to tell our elected officials what we want in our schools, and even more importantly, we need to urge them to find ways to pay for it.  I know that is a whole other post, but I really think our kids and our teachers are worth it. 

Think about it.  If you could pay an extra $100 a year in a tax that went just for schools to be able to keep there from being "mean" teachers any more, wouldn't you?  I would.  No doubt.  If in that hundred you can also find me an assistant troop leader, that would be great.  My girls and I would all appreciate it, greatly. 

When Thank You Isn't Enough

I already got a little teary eyed this morning.  On top of that, I completely made a teacher cry.
You see, there are people in life who, whether you realize in the moment or not, will leave a lasting and far reaching impact on your life.
Teacher can be those people.
Not always, but sometimes.

Sometimes, you happen to be lucky enough to be blessed with a teacher that isn't just good, or even great, but is the kind of person who truly makes changes.
This year, we were so lucky to have gotten Middie's teacher.  It was kind of luck, too.
She wasn't the original teach for the year.  We were supposed to have someone totally different, who ended up being moved to forth grade due to enrollment numbers.  This meant that two weeks into the school year, our teacher was moved suddenly form First grade, where she had been told she was going to get to stay, to Kinder.

Not only was she moved, but she was given the most difficult class I have ever seen.  I don't say that lightly.  The class mix was absolutely not a balanced one, and even I could see it.  Additionally, from being the "home room parent" I can tell you that the parents are mostly not active participants with the school.  I couldn't get anyone to come in and help with just about anything, not even for parties.  I mean, we are in the south, and people wouldn't donate food.  That has to tell you how bad it was.  We love party food here.  It's sort of a religion in itself, and yet, I had to beg and over compensate.  It is that bad.  So, she had little to no help all year long.

Yet, through it only, she didn't just choose to persevere, she chose to blaze.
This teacher came in and saw a flawed system.  She wanted better, not just for her class, but for every child there.  She knows that Kindergarten is truly the foundation of the rest of their educational careers, and she was determined to give every child at this school the strongest foundation that they could possibly get.
She advocated for change.  She fought for the kids.  I can not imagine what all she has put into that school this year, but I do know that every child in Kindergarten this year, and every year to follow, is better for it.
So, you see, I don't think there will ever be adequate thanks for all of that.  I would give her a medal if I could.  I should have nominated her for every single teaching award I could find.  Even though no one else may proclaim it, and all of those children who's future's have been changed may never even realize it, I know that she is truly the Teacher of the Year.

When it came time for teacher appreciation week, there was no way I couldn't give back.
I sent out a note asking all the parents to donate to a class gift, and letting them know it was teacher appreciation week.  Of course, if they won't donate food, I didn't expect much.  I did get a couple of donations.  That was great.  Regardless, as to who did or didn't help, though,she was getting a good thank you.
On Monday, when I covered the class for her during new Kinder registration, I took a blank white card and had all the kids in the room sign it.  I took it home to scrap it.  On Tuesday, she got a big, gorgeous, potted flower from us.  I took the donations we got, I ask for a Starbucks coffee theme since she has a coffee pot in the class, and put it in a cute container she can use in class.  In addition to the coffee and mug we had, I put a few other things in, along with the card from the class.  We also left her a little gift certificate in the book fair going on in the library for her to buy a book or two for the class.

This morning  I took everything into class.  I stood at the door and ask for two of the kids.  I had them give it to her, and tell her it was from the whole class.  She read what was written for her, and started to tear up.  She came over to give me a hug, and I started to cry.  I told her from the bottom of my heart that there would never be enough thanks for everything she has done, and said some of the things that I said here.  She is truly inspirational.
She is the kind of teacher that we all wish for when we send out kids to school, and we were lucky enough to get her.
I am thankful.  Now, and always.  Thank you for helping my child love school.  Thank you for giving her the best education you could.  Thank you for being kind.  Thank you for being generous.  Thank you for really making a difference that will be felt forever more.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

She's Baaaaaack

You may have read this post before about a sub The Biggest One had in Kindergarten,at a different local school.  Well, today, we had her again.  I was shocked.  I was more shocked because The Big One remembered her!  I was totally blown away by that alone.  Though The Big One made an initial impression on the sub, it was apparently not a lasting one.  The Sub simply told her "I work there every Thursday and Friday.  So it is very possible."
Thanks, lady.
Unfortunately, as The Big One has an after school program sometimes, I didn't get to ask the sub myself if she still has "quite a personality".  I'd love to finally know what she meant by that.  Instead, I'll just stick with what I said the first time, and agree with The Sub, that in all her fabulous, quirkyness, The Big One really does have quite an incredible and wonderful personality.

Teachers Have Opinions, Too

I think that often time, as parents, or members of a community, and especially as children, we forget something very important: Teachers are regular people, too.
Teachers have a very important job.  I respect what they do.  I think the problem is that we sometimes expect some sort of life altering change the moment you become a teacher akin to taking all sorts of vows to the church, like a vow of poverty, silence, etc, upon becoming a monk.  We expect teachers to forgo all normal human feelings of anger and frustration. We expect them to have a smile on their faces every single day.  We expect them to never get sick, and get upset when they do.  Then, to top it all off, we expect them to do it in some cases for wages that are less than what the guy who collects trash makes.
Why are our exceptions so high for them, and our own for ourselves as parents and community members so low?
We want so much from the teachers that are there to mold the young minds we send to them, but many of don't want to be a part of it.  We get frustrated if we have to spend more than 15 minutes a night on help with homework, or we just don't help at all.  We leave it all up to the teachers, and then wonder why our children aren't succeeding.  I just don't get it.


The internet is all abuzz because one teacher let out her personal feelings, and people didn't like it, at all.


Natalie Munroe, a high school teacher in PA, used to write a blog.  She doesn't any more, since a student at her school found it, turned her in, and got her suspended.  You see, much like when I write sometimes, Natalie decided to share her frustration and her feelings in her blog, a blog meant only for friends and family.  She didn't put it out there for everyone to read.  Granted, she might have been able to take extra steps, like making it totally private, to keep anyone else from seeing it, but believe me, if you don't put your blog out there, people don't generally stumble on it.  It takes searching for just the right things to be able to find a blog that isn't being shopped around for attention.  So, I suppose she thought it was ok to share her feelings with the few friends that she had, and in my opinion, she should be able to.  


If my friends who are teachers want to tell me that they have kids in class that are dumber than a box of rocks, I want to be there for them to vent.  They have a hard job.  Emotionally and mentally, I would guess one of the most exhausting jobs there is.  I can't imagine how I would deal with a room full of moody teenagers with no motivation or support at home and a need for instant gratification, let alone the absolute lack of respect for authority that is prevalent these days.  I don't know why there aren't more stories in the media about teachers beating kids because the self control needed to hold back with a child call you some sort of horrific name with curse words and negative references to the female body is beyond me.  


While she certainly didn't beat a child, or come even close to an altercation of any kind that we know if, Natalie did say some mean things about the kids at her school.  Things like, "They are rude, disengaged, lazy whiners. They curse, discuss drugs, talk back, argue for grades, complain about everything, fancy themselves entitled to whatever they desire, and are just generally annoying."  I agree with her.  Many of today's teenagers are everything she mentioned.  So, why should people be so upset?  Is a teacher not allowed to say out loud what the rest of the world is thinking?  They are on the front lines of bringing the battle to raise a generation of well rounded, educated people, and if they see a problem, maybe we should listen instead of getting all pissy because they voice their concerns.  
Some of the things were a little meaner.  Thinks like "A complete and utter jerk in all ways," "although academically okay your child has no other redeeming qualities," and  "There's no other way to say this, I hate your kid."  are pretty harsh, but again, she is being totally honest.  There are kids I don't like in my daughter's school and class, with just the little interaction I have with them.  In fact, there are a few in particular that I can't stand.  So, why can't she have kids that she can't stand.  The idea that all children, and we are really talking about teenagers here, are precious and should be coddled is probably what got us into the problem of raising brats to begin with.  Maybe some teenagers need to hear that they are true pains in the ass to realize that not everyone likes them, and they don't always need to get a gold start or participation ribbon.  Sometimes life sucks.  Some people are biatches.  That is reality.  


Also a part of reality is that teachers have to deal with those children, and work with and around all those shortcomings to try to mold them into the people that will control the future.  


So, if you are a teacher, I am sure you get frustrated sometimes.  I am sure you get upset.  I wish more parents did their part and tried to be an active participant in the educational process, instead of insisting you do it all, and then getting mad if things are handed to their child on a platter.  Feel free to come my way and vent any time you want.  I won't turn you in.  In fact, I would give you all a hug and a cupcake, the good ones from a specialty bakery even, not home made things.  Most importantly, I would give you a big "Thank you" for everything you do, and put up with.  You are all my heroes, even if you do think my child is a pain in the rump sometimes. 

Not Such A Wonderful Life

Life really isn't like the movies.  In the movies, you may not like your life, and you get to wish you weren't there.  After you see how much worse off the world is without you, you have some sort of redemption, and get to go back to your life, happier than ever.  Real life doesn't work like that.  Once you are gone, the people around you get to see how much worse off the world is, but you don't, and we can't get you back.

Each year that The Big One has been in school, an adult in the school has died.
The first year, it was a lovely womyn that worked with all the kids.  She worked in the lunch area, and volunteered her time with the kids, too.
Last year, it was their coach/P.E. Teacher.
This year, it was a teacher, who also happened to be the mom to one of the girls in The Big One's class.

We were shocked when we went in today and were told that she had died at the end of last week.  It was very sudden.  She passed away in her sleep one night, perhaps of a heart attack.  That's it.  That's all there is.

This woman was not only a teacher and mother, two incredible roles to begin with, but she was a Girl Scout leader, and led other groups at school as well.    She had two daughters at the school.  The older one is in the crossing guard and robotics club, which I believe her mom was faculty advisor for.  She always seemed to be very involved.  She will definitely be missed.  I doubt that we can even count the number of lives she had touched though all of her works.

When you see someone like this pass, you only wish life were like the movies.  I wish we could see how much we should appreciate people before they are really gone, but we don't get a second chance in this reality.
These girls have to go on without their mother.  Life must continue, and no matter how much we want, we can't change what is.

I can say that this is a wake up call.  We can't see what life is like without her, and then bring her back, but we can see maybe a glimpse into what life would be like without us.  Seeing someone in your own peer group die so young, I would guess just under 40, makes you realize that you have to do the best you can while you can.  I could go at any time.  It makes me want to be a healthier, happier person.  I have to realize that just because somethings in life suck, doesn't mean that life sucks, and we should never take anything for granted.  Maybe this is my chance to really see how much life means with me in it, and take steps, like healthy ones, to be sure I stick around for a while.  Maybe this is a change to really appreciate those around us now, and be thankful to and for them while we can.  Perhaps I am just morbidly engrossed because my dad started cancer treatments today, and I am full of extra pregnancy hormones, but I am having one of those moments where you really see how fleeting life is.  

I can't bring anyone back.  I can't change what is.  I can only promise to be the best me that I can be, and appreciate my life, and those in it, while I can.

And The Sign Said "People with children need not come...to school"

Tonight was Back To School Night, aka Open House, at The Big One's school.

We didn't go because at the last minute, we were un invited.

Rude, huh.

I love Back To School night. I love talking to the teacher, checking out the classroom, all of it. I love being a part of her day to day experience, in any way I can. I try to be involved at school as much as I possibly can.

Then, today, I was told I wasn't wanted.

Well, only because I have children. The event was deemed adults only. Unfortunately, I have no one else to care for my children tonight, especially not when they notify you last minute. The first I heard that this was adults only was yesterday, when The Big One came home. She said something about it, but it sounded more like a request, understandable, and believe me, if it were easy and free for me to get a sitter at the drop of a hat, or if MimMim (grandma) lived here, I wouldn't take them anywhere I didn't need to, especially not when I wanted to talk to my child's teacher about that child. Shew. That would be great. Unfortunately, that isn't our reality. Our reality is that we are often a one parent household by way of the U.S. Navy, and definitely don't have the budget for an on call nanny. So, where I go, they go. I guess the school decided that wasn't ok with them.

I have a few issues with all of this. Just a few.

1) We are in a predominantly military area. This means many of the families that attend this school, like us, have no family, and no one to call on in a pinch that would be free. So, we are excluded from all adults only activities.

2) The notice was totally unacceptable. We got a phone call, followed immediately by a email carbon copy of the phone message, only this morning, after school had started. While it may have been difficult, had someone made this very clear the first day of school, which I grant you was just about a week ago, I could have called around to friends and begged for a little help. Someone, with some notice, would have been able to help me, but telling after the school day has started to suddenly change my plans is so unrealistic, I can't believe anyone who has ever been a parent would have done this.

3) The worst part of all it, and there are other arguments that could be made as to why having open house be adults only is wrong, is that we are a Title 1 school. Being a Title 1 school means that you have been recognized as having a large portion of your student population who belong to economically disadvantaged families. The schools are setup with extra funding and specific guidelines to assist these families in breaking down the barriers to those children's success. One of the greatest barriers to a child's success in school is a lack of parental involvement, and Title 1 schools are specifically supposed to combat that. In fact, they are required to have in place a plan on how they intend to improve communication between the school and parents. It would seem to me, that what this school did goes against everything that being a Title 1 school is supposed to be about. They, in fact, put up a specific barrier between the school and parents tonight.

The school could have done something that many other schools do; offer on site child care for those that had to bring their children. However, when I called to inquire as to why I was dis invited today, the front office staff told me that they had no place for childcare. I suppose that very large multipurpose room where were initially supposed to gather, then separate to our individual classes, wouldn't contain all the children that would be left behind? Wait. That doesn't make any sense. So, someone, somewhere, just dropped the ball, and upset parents. At the very least, I am upset.

I know for sure that there are parents who will be bringing children with them. I know there will be rule breakers. I am just not one of those parents. I might have feigned ignorance of this ridiculous demand, especially since it was sent so late I could have actually missed it, but I got called out earlier. My husband, trying to help out, and find out as much as he could, went to the teacher to ask what I should do, as the teacher and I had planned to discuss my assisting him with something right away tonight. The teacher ask that I meet with him tomorrow. So, I just couldn't go against his wishes.

While I am very upset, heartbroken truthfully, I will handle it the any adult will. I will make a huge fuss, stomp my foot a lot, and then be sure things are changed for the better. Hurting my daughter, though, is crossing the line. She was very excited for me to see her classroom, and so on. She said she cleaned her desk really hard today. She was totally heartbroken to see me so upset.

I will talk to the principal, and make sure they try to fix all of this before the next open house, because we just can't have The Big One hurt again, and she shouldn't be by a silly policy like this.

Oh How I Love School....

Tomorrow is the first day back to school for the kidlets around here.

It is an exciting day. The Big One is thrilled to death. Thankfully, she still loves school, and can't wait to go back. Honestly, I think she is just bored to tears of her sister and I, and can't wait to get away from us, but I'll take the enthusiasm how ever I can get it.

If you want the real honest truth, I think I am more excited than she is. I think summer must have lasted 30 lifetimes this time. At least, I feel like I have aged that much having them both home, together, fighting every single day. Holy crap have they fought. If I could have a dollar, make that even a dime, for each time I have had to yell "Stop fighting!" or some thing much meaner but along those same lines, our little problems with the truck needing repair would be solved, because I could afford to by a new one. In dimes.

Really, The Big One is a smart, spunky kid, who needs to be challenged, and loves to learn. If I don't constantly direct this, she gets bored easily, and it causes problems.

We have worked a little on this and that this summer. She has started a cursive workbook, because some how learning that is cooler than anything else. She has also been reading quite a bit. She has really gotten into the American Girl series of books, and The Baby Sitter's Club, Both of which I liked when I was younger, and am thrilled that she does as well. I am stoked that I have at least one reader in the family. Hopefully, when The Little One gets bigger, she will be as well.

She is also excited to meet her new teacher this year, who happens to be a man. I am as well. I'm not sure what he is like, but I have high hopes. Lots of men who teach young kids tend to be funnier, and more light hearted. If this holds true, and think she will love him more than just about any other teacher.

Don't get me wrong, while I am excited to have her back at school, I will miss her too. The Little One certainly will. As much as they fight, they hang out and play together as well. I know that having it be just the two of us again will be a bit of a shock for her at first, but I think once she realizes how much she and I will get to do, she will be fine with it. I have lots of fun things planned for us already. This is the age that I love to play lots of fun learning games at, and now she and I will have more time, without an interrupting older sister who loves to yell out the answers she already knows. I think The Little One will really begin to enjoy our special time with out her sister pretty quickly.

Not only that, but she can secretly for to the playroom, and play with every Barbie in sight, without getting caught and screamed at, as long as we both clean it up before The Big One comes home.

All in all, I can't wait for the school year to start. Even though it means 6:00am mornings and making a pot of coffee a day just to survive, I'll gladly take it.

Quite the Personality

My daughter had a substitute today. This is the second time that this particular sub has been with them. The first time was a little chaotic, but it ended up ok. Not the sub's fault. It was the school. The kids really like her, and that is what counts, I guess.

Well, my husband goes to pick her up today. With a sub, you have to go to the door, tell them who you are there for, and sign them out. So he tells Ms. Sub that he is there for The Big One.

She looks at him, and says "Lilly has quite the personality".

Seriously? What does that mean? My husband didn't ask what she meant and now I don't know. Was that supposed to be a compliment, or a criticism saying that she is difficult? Her regular teacher doesn't have discipline problems out of her, and she is a pretty good kid in general.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know my daughter can be a ham. She can also be bossy, but is hilarious, caring, incredibly intelligent, strong willed, and loyal. She likes to show random people her "dance moves". She will make up a song about anything, any where. Really I think she is about everything I would want in my own child, and maybe a little more.

So, yes, I suppose she does have quite the personality. No matter what that womyn thinks, I'm going to call it a good thing, and roll with it.