Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Things I Wish I Could Say

I'm trying very hard right now to do what I'm sure my mother would tell me is the right thing.  Problem is, the right thing is nothing.  I must do, and more difficultly, say nothing.  Let me assure you, sometimes, it is very hard for me to do nothing, and nearly impossible for me to say nothing.

I know someone who is going through a situation very, very similar to something i have gone though.  It was a terrible situation.  Heart wrenching.  I would only wish it on my worst enemy, and even then, maybe not.
Now, someone I know is dealing with the same thing, and I can't say a single word.
I'm dying to reach out, but right now, I don't think it would be received well.  I'm dying to offer a hug, but I think it would cause more pain for me to acknowledge everything going on, then just to sit here, and hope for the best.
No.  It just isn't my place to involve myself at this point.  Should I ever get an open invitation of any kind, I will gladly jump in.  I would love to be able to be there, and be the support of someone who has been there.  I want to do that.  I wish I could, but I just can't right now.  The right thing to do is really nothing, and it is the hardest thing ever.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I Know I Have Gone Insane

I'm updating my blog, not really because I want to at the moment.  In fact, I would much, much rather be sleeping, like the rest of the people in my house.  However, in 18 minutes, I can grab more booth slots for my Girl Scouts.  So, even though every little person in currently snoozing away, I'm up.  Here.  For you.  No.  For me.  Whining.
Its moments like these that I realize just how insane I am.  Even though I am currently in this alone, since my co leader had to move quickly thanks to military life, and my husband is still yet deployed, I am going, full throttle, into a cookie season where I am leader, cookie parent, and more.  All of that, along with running my moms group, volunteering at my daughter's school, and simply trying to survive with three kids all by myself isn't easy, in fact, sometimes it feels like I suffocating. I know I'm not though.  I'm going to muddle through each and every bit of this, and ride the tide of crazy that comes along with doing too much sometimes.  I know I can handle this.  I may not do the best job that any one has ever done on all of it, but it will all get done, and that is just going to have to be good enough.  I may not have the time to take long showers and get my hair done, or keep myself looking like I want to, but those things aren't really important in the grand scheme of life.  I can be a little unkempt.  I can wear nothing but jeans and t-shirts, if that is where life takes me.  If I brush my hair as I am walking out the door, and the first mirror I look in is the rear view when I take off each day, so be it.  For the moment, that may be the best I can do.
So, you will have to excuse me as I keep this post short.  I'm about to go pick times to take my kids and stand in front of a whole bunch of stores, trying to sell cookies.  I may go looking like I've been raised by wolves, but I will be there.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Things I Can't Wait for

We are seriously counting down the days until my husband comes back.  I don't know his return time yet, or believe me, I would be counting down the hours, too.  We are that close.  I suppose close is relative, of course.  We do, after all, still have a tiny bit to go.  I'm willing to bet that this last bit is going to fly by.  We have a lot to do.  We have to make a new banner to put in front of the house.  I think we might wrap the door, too.  I need to get the house clean. Yikes!  That's a big one.
In the mean time, I thought I would share all the great things that come with his return, or at least some of them.

Things I am looking forward to when my husband comes home: (In no particular order)
  • Sex (let's just be honest)
  • Taking a shower with the bathroom door closed, and no one opening it
  • Going to the bathroom to potty with the door closed.
  • Sex (Come on, its been 7 months.  That deserves two mentions.)
  • Having adult conversation without going out of the house to find it.
  • Not being the one to do the dishes.
  • Being able to go get coffee with my friends.
  • Yelling "Not It!" when we both discover The Littlest One has a dirty diaper and actually having someone else do it.
  • Sleeping and snuggling with someone taller than me.
  • Being able to lay on his chest at night. (Man do I miss this.)
  • Sex - What? I mention that already...twice...oh...well...
  • Sitting on the couch, drinking a Mike's, and watching The Big Bang Theory together (one of our favorite past times).
  • Pizza Sundays, when we all make pizza together. 
  • Family time.  Any family time.  
  • Co-parenting.  God I miss that.  
  • His laugh.
  • How much he makes me laugh.
  • Seeing him with The Girls, and watching him be the incredible dad he is.
  • Hugs
Honestly, I could go on forever.  I would start crying though, if I went on much more.  I miss him.  We all miss him.  It won't be long, though.  Really.  I can almost feel his arms around me now.  I can't wait.