Saturday, July 7, 2012

Please Don't Wreck Because Of Me

**This post is a cross post from my other blog.  I have a weight loss blog with a really cheesy name that I have just started writing in again. If you want to read about my goal to not be fat, please start reading the other blog as well.  **

I may have said this before, but as a general rule, until I got very serious about losing weight, I never ran. Running was reserved for things like hurt children that I had to get to, zombies or other predators following me, or bees.
Quite frankly, the thought of running didn't even appeal to me, in the least.  I thought people who ran were a little nutty in the head.  I mean, there are a thousand ways to exercise besides running down a a sidewalk in skin tight clothes for every one on the face of this earth to stare at.  I like those other ways.
However, no matter how much I like them, I haven't been doing them enough, because I am still fat.
Before getting pregnant with The Littlest One, I was actually trying to run at least once a week at an actual track.  I used a couch to 5k app that I put on my phone.  It was kicking my butt.  I was losing a ton of weight with everything that I was doing, though.  Then, I did get pregnant and I gained 45 lbs or so.  Yes.  It sucks.  I am now re losing everything that I had lost before.  Totally sucks.  Every drop of sweat shed, just to have to do it all again.  So, here we are.  I don't have that track to run on anymore, though, and i need to do this a little more faithfully.  Most of the time I used to exercise, it was using DVDs inside.  Now, though, The Littlest One doesn't appreciate being put in baby jail, aka the play pen, for 30 minutes or so to watch me sweat, followed by another 20 minutes in the pen so that I can shower.  In fact, it kind of pisses her off.  So, I bought a really good jogging stroller, and I decided to use it.  I had to.  My husband said with as much money as we spent on it, it better have some "damn dirt on those damn wheels".  I agree.
Now, I go out three times a week, and use the couch to 5k app.  For the first week, that means a warm up walk, followed by intervals of walking and jogging.  Its great and all, except I don't exactly have a place to run, so I run around my neighborhood, down the side of the street, for everyone to watch.  Not in skin tight clothes, though, I promise.  I wouldn't do that to my self or anyone else.  No matter what I wear, though, I'm still out there bouncing around for all to see.  Between my gigantic boobs, and the spare tire midsection, there is a whole lotta bounce going on, too.  I have had some serious stares.  I thought I was going to cause a wreck the other day.  I try to purposefully time my list jogging interval to be a down hill run, because i need the assistance to finish it by that point.  So, I run, down hill, as hard as I can.  It stop at a 4 way intersection.  The thing is, the cars coming to that intersection can see me coming.  One particular car not only noticed me, but I think they were concerned.  They were staring hard.  I'm not sure if they thought the fat girl was being chased,and were looking for the zombies or bees,  thought I lost control and were waiting to see be go head over heals down the side walk, or simply couldn't take their eyes off my bouncing melons, but they just kept sitting there.  Other cars were coming.  Other cars were waiting at the stop signs.  Still, they sat.  It wasn't until I actually came to a stop they they were able to move on.  Perhaps they had assured themselves that there were no zombies chasing me, and all was safe in the world.
No matter, though, I will keep running.  I have to.  I have set my own goals, and I really want to run a 5k. Moreover, though, I really want to be healthy.  I am going to do this.  I am going to keep working hard, and I will get back down to where I was, and beyond.  In the mean time, when you see me running by, please don't stop and stare, and really please dont' wreck.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Its All Bitter Sweet

Today is The Fourth of July.  Today we celebrate our nation's birthday.  This is the day we all wear red, white, and blue, and come together to show our pride as a country.  It is also one of those days when we are especially thankful for those who have served in uniform.  The members of our military, who have kept our nation safe, and have ensured we are able to enjoy all of our freedoms, today and everyday, are in the for front of many of our thoughts.  I know they are in mine.  I have spent Independence days with out my husband.  We have been separated, instead of celebrating, while he was out keeping us safe, patrolling our water ways, transporting enemy combatants, airlifting the injured to medical help, and what ever else our nation ask of him.
So, today, I think of all those families around me right now, and how their lives are impacted this July Fourth, by the vital jobs someone in their families do.
Then, I think about next year, when we won't be a military family anymore.  This is very likely the last year we will get to see "The Big Bay Boom" with all the fireworks displays over San Diego Bay, an incredible sight to see.  We won't be driving on base next year, since even if we stay in Southern California, we will be too far away, to enjoy the show, and pal around with the people he works with on the roof top of his building.  We won't be dong any of that.  He won't even work with those people any more.
I find myself trying to enjoy things a little more, maybe looking at the little things a bit differently, because I realize how final it all could be.
The military, and the lifestyle that accompanies it, has been a part of everything we do, for the entirety of the time that I have known my husband.  I see that ending, and honestly, its a little like seeing a death coming from far out.  I try not to be morose about it all, but when you are staring down the barrel of a very uncertain future, its hard not to be.
I need to take the time to enjoy what we have, and not miss it now, but again, that's hard to do.
I will try, though.  For the next 3 and a half weeks, because that is all we have left, I will try my best to celebrate the life we have had, and not mourn it.  I will try to enjoy the time, places, and people that we know, and not miss them before I am gone.  I will.  More importantly, I will try my best to look forward to our future, instead of constantly looking back.  Its hard, but I will try.
no one ever told me, though, that one of the hardest parts of being a military family is the leaving, and I wish they would have.  Perhaps then I would have been more prepared for this.  Perhaps.
So, Please enjoy your day.  Celebrate.  Take pride in everything that makes our nation great.  Remember those who have fought, or are fighting, to keep us free.  Thank you, and happy Fourth!