Monday, February 22, 2010

Being A Mom is Gross

I will say again, I love being a mom, and I love my girls. However, there are moments when being parent is straight up gross. I mean ick factor 11 here.

I have been pooped on, and puked on many times. I've been sitting on the couch, baby on knee, when it came pouring out of a diaper. I've had the baby poop while changing a diaper. Even when hey get older, the poop still abounds. I've cleaned it off furniture and walls. You get used to it.

I've been puked on more times than I can count. From babies who eat to much, to sick kids that can't make it to the bathroom, puke and I are no stranger. I hate cleaning it. I hate it. Last year, the girls and I experienced a stomach bug that caused things to come out of both ends simultaneously. The Big One and I were sharing a bathroom at night, with one of us over the sink, and the other the toilet, until we broke the bathroom. The Little One actually walked from one end of my kitchen to the other, vomiting the entire time. That was fun to clean.

I've even been puked on by the children of friends. Once, down the front of my shirt so that it actually come out the bottom of my bra.

All in all, I would say I have had my fair share of gross moments.

Tonight, however, I got to experience a brand new one. This one, I think is a little rare in the "puked on mom" category of life.

The Big One started getting sick this afternoon. I could tell she didn't feel well. She didn't want to eat one of her favorite meals tonight. She even ask to go to bed. I gave her a bath, and put her down for bed. She wanted me to lay down and read with her. We were totally into a great Junie B. Jones, when I first saw "the face". There is that certain face your child makes, before the cheek puffing, when you know they feel sick, and are about to blow chunks. She made "the face".

"Do you feel sick? Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

"No, Mom. I'm ok. Just keep reading."

I picked the book back up, and before I started reading, she made the face again.

"You look like you are getting sick. If you need to throw up, lets go to the bathroom."

"I'm really ok. I'm....."

The cheeks puffed. I started to roll off the bed. Just as I hit my side, back to her, she lost it. She hurled all over the bed......and my back and butt.

I grabbed the trash can and shoved it under her. Started moving her, and grabbing the sheet at the same time.
I got her down stairs, stripped,and washed off. Only then, did I fully appreciate the fact that I had vomit on my ass. I mean, how often in one's life do you get to say that phrase? I fully believe in the sentiment that if the choice is laugh or cry, to laugh. So, I had no other choice, but to laugh.

I walked into the living room where my parents sat, and told them what happened. They apparently had to make the choice to laugh as well, because they did. A lot. I stated that I would wash myself as soon as I got her all cleaned up. My father, the incredibly selfless man that he is, told me he had to shower first. I replied that was a great big negative. My vomit trumps his shower any day of the week.

So, the next time all my mommy friends and I get into a grossest mom moment contest, I think I have my ace in the whole. I'll just keep this one in my packet until I need it; my back pocket, of course.


buttafly said...

Your dad what??? Oh my! Ick, I'm sorry. I've never been in that situation and I had better never be!You win.

*Tanyetta* said...

Your dad better step back! vomit on the ass trumps everything! LOL