Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Detour Ahead

Ever feel like you made a wrong turn in life?

Lately it seems that is all I do. I feel like I am nearly constantly lost. Just when I find the path that will lead me back to where I want to be, some how I make yet another wrong turn and get lost all over again. In the real world we live in, I have no sense of direction. Apparently, this has become true of my emotional self as well.

The biggest problem with all this unlike day to day life, I can't run down to Best Buy and get a GPS to guide me through my emotional and spiritual affairs. There is no GPS, no manual, nothing that actually helps. Truthfully, though I am not alone, I have fantastic people who are always there for me, they can't really help guide me though. Everything must be my decision. It is hard. Hard isn't even the word right now.

Sometimes, I wish that I were little all over again. I wish my mom could come in and tell me the right thing to do. She could tell me how everything could be fixed, and she could kiss away all the tears.

I envy my girls in that. Everyday, as their mom, I work to make sure they don't see or feel my anxieties and emotional quagmire. They don't know most of the story. They get to keep on trucking, and be happy; be children. That is their job though. I had my turn at that and now I do my job as it is, being the mom and figuring everything out.

I guess I'll just keep on trying to figure things out, day by day, turn by turn, until hopefully I end up somewhere I want to be again.
Besides, even if they did make a GPS for life situations, it would be my luck the one I pick up wouldn't work. It would probably lead me down the path just right for a lama Herder in Tibet. I would prefer a freeway in San Diego, thanks.


buttafly said...

Hmmm... llama herding? Well it sounds interesting at least. Love you girl. Hang in there, you are doing just what you are supposed to do, you just don't know it yet.

ukreal1 said...

I am really enjoying reading your blog and journey, I certainly have felt this way for some time, I hope you fund your path again and hope I find mine!