Wednesday, January 7, 2009

She was late!!

I'm heart broken. Lilly was late to school for the first time today. Being on time to school everyday is such a big deal to me. I was never on time. I learned that behaviour early on from my mother, and I refused to carry it on to my own children.

She wasn't very late, maybe 60 seconds. We were at her school when the bell rang. She was late about the amount of time it took for her to take her backpack and coat off, and hang them up. I zipped up her back pack, and put her coat where it needed to be, just so she could get in.

It really broke my heart. I know in the grand scheme of things, that 60, or even 120, seconds of being tardy won't matter. It will however, stick out in my mind. I have to fight against the onslaught of feelings like I should just give up on our fight to keep her on time, every time.

I walked the whole what home thinking if this and if that. If she hadn't thrown all the shoes out of the shoe basket, sot hat she had to pick them all back up again before leaving the house. If she had actually gotten dressed, and paid attention to what was going on... If she would just put her shoes on by herself, with out making me stop getting Ava and me ready to go... If I had gotten up a few minutes earlier so that I could push her.. If I hadn't insisted on making coffee before we left, coffee that I didn't even have time to drink.... All those ifs, though, do us no good. As the saying goes, If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we could have Christmas all year long. Well, the time for Christmas is passed, and the time for ifs has also. Instead, we both need to make this a lesson learned. She needs to learn that she really can be late in the mornings, and that she needs to prioritize better, choosing carefully what really needs to be done, and what doesn't, in the mornings. I think lesson also applies to her mother, who is trying with all her might to undue to lessons of her own ever tardy youth. Hopefully, we can work on that lesson together tomorrow, and the day after, and so on. We can get this one, together, and be the better people for it.


Days like These! said...

don't be too hard on yourself. i know it's easier said than done but, you're an awesome mom! tomorrow will be a better day!