Monday, March 7, 2011

The TP Fairy

There are certain mythical, magical creatures that people in my home believe in.  Of course, we have Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny.  The tooth fairy is in there, too.
There is, though, one fairy, that I am the only one in the whole house who knows the truth about.  Everyone else seems to believe that there is a magical toilet paper fairy who comes in after you are done, and quietly replaces the empty roll you left with a nice new one.  I'm not quite sure how the TP Fairy works, how it knows to come in at just the right moment, which bathrooms need paper, or even how it gets into the house, but it must work.  They all, after all, seem to believe in it.
I know the truth, though, because I am the TP Fairy.

Apparently, no one else in the house seems to understand that it is an actual, mere mortal job to physically pop the little empty holder roll off, place a new roll on, and put it back in place.  It must take magic to make that happen.  I can assure you that it doesn't.  I just do it quietly, and frequently, in the bathrooms that I never even use.  In fact, I am a creature of habit.  I almost always use my bathroom, upstairs.  I don't even like the downstairs bathroom.  It's always cold in there, and frigid toilet seats are not pleasant.  Some how, though, the TP Fairy is still supposed to be away of the levels of tp in that bathroom and the hall bath used only by The Girls.  To be perfectly honest, if I am slipping on my game, I'm pretty sure they don't even tell me right away when they run out, unless it is a number two situation, which I happen to think is totally gross, and one of the reasons that I am always replacing their rolls.  Also, they are still children, although The Big One is absolutely capable of taking care of this, if she would.

However, my bathroom, and my husband, are a totally different situation.  I've tried to gently break him of the notion that there is no TP Fairy.  When I see the roll running low, I go ahead and sit the new roll out on the counter, as a gentle reminder that it can be changed and everything you need, like your hands and the new roll, are available for him.  Yet it still doesn't happen.
I think he believes there is a TP Fairy loop hole, kind of like a way to worm your way off the naughty list.  I'm pretty sure he thinks that if he leaves one square, the one that has the glue on it, on the roll, it isn't totally empty and he doesn't have to change it.  Loop hole found.  Not something he has to do.  If I want it on the roll, I have to do it.  Otherwise, the new roll I put out would actually sit on the counter or back of the toilet and be used.  Believe me, I know.

I really want to go on a TP Fairy strike sometimes, and just quit replacing everything.  The problem is, though, that I would never again have it on the roll anywhere.  I think it might be a bit rude to have guests in my home look at an empty roll every time they came over, too.  So, simply not doing the task anymore, just won't give me the desired outcome.

I really think it is time to have "the talk" with everyone and let them know the truth about the TP Fairy.  It is time for her job to be done, and for them to start being a part of that task in this household.  I think they are all, the husband especially, ready.  I know I am.
Next, I'm gunning for the Laundry and Dish Washing Fairies.