Tuesday, March 29, 2011

This is So Not Romantic

Last night, when I got up at around 2am with heart burn for only the second time in my life, and I sat there for like 30 minutes until it subsided enough for me to go back to sleep, I started contemplating all the misconceptions there are about pregnancy.  Yes, I was hating on it.  The thing is, I think that long before we have children, we are very misguided and uninformed.  Not only about the physical aspects about pregnancy, but we have no understanding of the emotional toll that being pregnant takes, either.
I think the biggest emotional misconception is that we, especially as women, have some very miss guided notion that pregnancy is some romantic thing we do with out partner to bring us closer together.  In fact, I believe that is also part of the teen pregnancy problem.  They see this as something that they will do with their boyfriend that will only cement their relationship.

Let me clear that up.  Getting pregnant is the romantic part.  Being pregnant is not.

There is absolutely nothing romantic about spending three months of your life hunched over a toilet or sink, ralphing your guts up every day, while your partner either tries to stay out of the way, or gets so sick they can't take it, either.  They may feel for you.  They may have sympathy.  My husband did the first time around.  He tried to be sweet, caught up in the emotion that this was our child, and something he should be a part of.  As I would lean over the sink, and vomit to the point I felt like it was never going to stop, at first, he would try to rub my back, or talk to me.  It only took a few times, though, for me to indicate, in probably the most blunt tactless way possible, that I didn't want to be touched while vomiting, for him to realize that wasn't the best role for him.  Get me a towel or wash cloth ready so that I can clean up afterward, and just don't say anything about how bad I look from the extreme exhaustion and vomiting, and you're good.

When you lay in bed, unable to sleep because all of the extra hormones in your body cause insomnia, and he lays beside you snoring, unwilling to stay up with you and snuggle, or even totally unaware of how little sleep you are getting, it isn't romantic.  In fact, it gets to be a tad infuriating.  Many nights, I have felt like taking a cue from someone I know, who once told me that she would sit up at night, pregnant and unable to sleep, and tap her husband's eyelids.  Apparently, it is just aggravating enough that they can't sleep well, and wake up all groggy, but not forceful enough to actually have them wake up and know what you are doing.   I call that brilliant and it is exactly what I feel like doing.

That is just the beginning, too.  Your body changes, adding stretch marks, and growing in places you don't really want it to.  Even though the fact that your boobs get bigger may sound like a plus, that is all until you realize that they will start to leak a little right around the time the baby comes.  Of course, in the end, there is the delivery, something that I think is the antithesis of the romance of conceiving.  While I will never deliver vaginally,  I can't imagine that watching a baby get pushed out of your vagina creates feelings of romance.  Love, certainly.  Awe, surely.  Not romance, though.
I'm not sure why people think all of this is supposed to be some romantic fantasy.  I can assure you, it really isn't.
I'm not saying that, when you are ready for children, they aren't worth it.  I just think that people need to know the truth, especially young people.  This part isn't pretty.  It isn't fun.  At least, not for me.
So, when you are ready, have kids.  Lots of them.  Just go into it knowing the good stuff comes after the baby is born.  New stuff that you will love and the romance will come back, too.  When it does, you will appreciate it so much more than before, too, that you will love and appreciate what romance you do get all the more.