Monday, December 6, 2010

Not Such A Wonderful Life

Life really isn't like the movies.  In the movies, you may not like your life, and you get to wish you weren't there.  After you see how much worse off the world is without you, you have some sort of redemption, and get to go back to your life, happier than ever.  Real life doesn't work like that.  Once you are gone, the people around you get to see how much worse off the world is, but you don't, and we can't get you back.

Each year that The Big One has been in school, an adult in the school has died.
The first year, it was a lovely womyn that worked with all the kids.  She worked in the lunch area, and volunteered her time with the kids, too.
Last year, it was their coach/P.E. Teacher.
This year, it was a teacher, who also happened to be the mom to one of the girls in The Big One's class.

We were shocked when we went in today and were told that she had died at the end of last week.  It was very sudden.  She passed away in her sleep one night, perhaps of a heart attack.  That's it.  That's all there is.

This woman was not only a teacher and mother, two incredible roles to begin with, but she was a Girl Scout leader, and led other groups at school as well.    She had two daughters at the school.  The older one is in the crossing guard and robotics club, which I believe her mom was faculty advisor for.  She always seemed to be very involved.  She will definitely be missed.  I doubt that we can even count the number of lives she had touched though all of her works.

When you see someone like this pass, you only wish life were like the movies.  I wish we could see how much we should appreciate people before they are really gone, but we don't get a second chance in this reality.
These girls have to go on without their mother.  Life must continue, and no matter how much we want, we can't change what is.

I can say that this is a wake up call.  We can't see what life is like without her, and then bring her back, but we can see maybe a glimpse into what life would be like without us.  Seeing someone in your own peer group die so young, I would guess just under 40, makes you realize that you have to do the best you can while you can.  I could go at any time.  It makes me want to be a healthier, happier person.  I have to realize that just because somethings in life suck, doesn't mean that life sucks, and we should never take anything for granted.  Maybe this is my chance to really see how much life means with me in it, and take steps, like healthy ones, to be sure I stick around for a while.  Maybe this is a change to really appreciate those around us now, and be thankful to and for them while we can.  Perhaps I am just morbidly engrossed because my dad started cancer treatments today, and I am full of extra pregnancy hormones, but I am having one of those moments where you really see how fleeting life is.  

I can't bring anyone back.  I can't change what is.  I can only promise to be the best me that I can be, and appreciate my life, and those in it, while I can.