Saturday, April 2, 2011

I Need A Better Comeback

I need a comeback.   I'm trying to come up with a good, pithy one.  I need something that succinctly and sharply says that you have ask a question you shouldn't have, and that you need to back off.  You see, it seems that people, meaning the public at large, think they need to question me about my child yet to be born.  They take in the fact that I have two girls with me, and then, always, instead of asking what I am having next, they just ask if the next one is a boy.  Apparently, if you have two girls, the next one MUST be a boy.  My child isn't a boy.  She is a girl, confirmed by ultrasound a couple of weeks ago.  In fact, the tech said if she were a boy, she would be shocked.  That is good enough for me.  We will have three girls.  I'm good with that.  I have come to terms with the fact that we are having all girls, and even relish it a little.  I love having girls.  I may never understand the joy of having a boy, but that's ok now.
So, why people at random seem to think it isn't, and more importantly, why they need to point out all we will be missing, is beyond me.  After I tell people that I am having another girl, they immediately get this look of sort of pity on their faces.  As if they were saying "Aw.  I'm sorry".  Then, the next question is always "did you want a boy".  This is the question that I need the pithy comeback for.  I want to stop them before they get to the followup questions like, "your husband really wanted one, didn't he", because that one pisses me off even more.  Why should my husband be disappointed with a child, no matter the gender?  Are the girls not good enough for him?  In all honesty, I get all sorts of different questions, all aimed at having me tell some random stranger just how sad I am that I didn't get a boy.  Between the facial expressions, and the questions, they make it seem as though there is something a miss with having no male child.  I get it, it would have been nice to have both, but it isn't some random stranger's place to point that out to me.  This was all mother nature, and I have no say so in the process.  So, why would you want to make someone feel bad about what they don't have and can't do anything about?  It's not as if I were to answer that I really wanted a boy, and confess that I was terribly upset about it, that my child's gender would suddenly change, nor would I want her to.  I love my girls.  I love the Littlest One, just as she is, already.
So, today, as I stood in line with The Girls, waiting for their turn in a bounce house, the lady behind me started the questions.  Yes, two girls with one on the way.  She, who had two boys, felt the need to share her pity with me.  After all, I must be pitied and maybe even shamed a little by my inability to provide a male child to my husband.
Let me assure you, neither shame nor pity should fall into the mix here.  Please, keep it to yourself.  I'm not upset.  I'm happy.  This child, whom I thought I could never carry because of all the complications I have is a blessing, just as she is.
This is exactly what I told the womyn with the boys in line behind me as well. That, and my last line to her "besides, girls are easier."  I don't know if I believe that entirely or not, but it was enough in the moment and until I can come up with a better line.